This week has been a heart-wrenching week for Israel, the Jewish people and for us here at Yavneh. As we communicated with you on Monday, our goal is to balance maintaining normalcy and a regular schedule to ensure that our students feel secure while at the same time helping our students deal with all they are hearing in the world around them, and allowing them to play a role in supporting Israel. I have been so proud of our middle school students. They have truly come forward with ideas to support Israel and feel a connection to their Homeland.
In addition to the blue and white sale and other “actions” the students have been initiating, there have been two other areas that I believe are important life skills, in which our students have been engaging this past week.
The first is talking to Hashem and turning to Him with all that is on our minds. While our students have davened daily since pre-K, I believe that our students felt this week that there are times in life that only Hashem can listen, hear you, and help. For those who have been reading my column for some time you will know that I am a big believer in a “different” type of SEL- (which normally stands for Social Emotional Learning)- Spiritual Emunah Learning. Our students have experienced emunah this past week and the message that when they are feeling worried they can turn to Hashem to talk to.
As I have noted before, emunah and bitachon in Hashem have tremendous power to combat fear, anxiety and uncertainty. We know the plethora of psychological research substantiating the impact of belief in G-d and religion on lowering anxiety. 79% of studies in a 2015 review by Duke University of 3,000 research studies investigating the relationship between religion and psychological well-being showed a link between religion and psychological well-being. “Positive religious coping consists of strategies that reflect a trusting relationship with God and a sense of spiritual connectedness to others, including reframing stressful events as reflecting the work of a benevolent God and seeing oneself as collaborating with God to solve problems, among others.” Studies indicate that people who believe in G-d and pray to Him actually get healthier more quickly, can tolerate pain and difficulty better, have more positive attitudes, are more persistent, and are even happier. Higher levels of “religiosity” are overall associated with better mental health.
This past week, our students have learned that when we feel worried, scared or uncertain we can turn to Hashem and He will always listen. We have discussed the power of our tefillot in helping the soldiers face battles, but those tefillot also lower our anxiety and worries. But, not only during difficult times should this be the focus. We as the adults in their lives need to help our children develop personal relationships with Hashem. My children often tease me when something frustrating happens to me and I say “Hashem!” While not an intensive tefillah, somewhere I learned that when something happens that is not what you expect, you can turn to G-d. My Zeidi, a Holocaust survivor, a”h, always used to tell us that when you are scared to say “Shema.” The more we talk to Hashem outside of structured tefillah the more we develop that relationship. And, the key is to talk to Hashem when things are going well or even when you experience success. “Thank you Hashem for this 100 on my test!” No need to wait for structured tefillah to talk to Hashem. As we say each day in davening Hashem is אבינו אב הרחמן . Just like we reach out to a parent whenever we need, we reach out to Hashem.These subtle messages our children get as they grow help them strengthen their emunah and their psychological well-being.
And, I must share one of my favorite parables (again, shared in this column before), by Slovie Jungreis Wolf in her book Raising a Child With Soul which demonstrates the power of emunah to provide stability to our children:
“On Sunday morning, Mendy and I took a trip into Manhattan with our children. We decided to spend the day at Chelsea Piers… Once inside, the kids decided to attempt the rock- climbing wall. My then four- year-old son, Akiva, insisted on joining his older siblings as they began their ascent. I watched him harnessed in ropes, as his little figure grew smaller with each step. My heart beat a little quicker until he finally made it down. I ran over to him and hugged him hard. ‘Akiva, weren’t you scared?’ I asked. He looked at me for a second and then replied simply, ‘No, Mommy. Of course I wasn’t afraid. Why should I be? I was connected!” It dawned on me that this small child had just uncovered a significant truth. You can go through an array of life experiences, some quite difficult to bear; however, if you feel connected to a higher source, you never have to be afraid.”
In addition to our students learning that when faced with tough times you need to strengthen your relationship with G-d, they also learned about the importance of strengthening their relationships with members of Am Yisrael they may not even know. We are all brothers and sisters. It does not matter if hashkafically they are not exactly like us or that they speak a different language. A few weeks ago I had a conversation with two Yavneh teachers about what we all have gained by being exposed to different Jewish communities that might not be like ours. I spoke fondly of a trip we had in high school where we visited different Jewish communities and a representative spoke to us about what made their community special. We often spend so much time critiquing other Jewish communities without noting that we are all one people. This past week our students have learned what true Ahavat Yisrael is. And this love is not just about loving strangers in our nation, it is about how we treat and consider the people in our personal lives as well. And strengthening positive attitudes towards others is also found in the research to impact positively on psychological well-being.
I recently read on Aish.com: The story is told of Rabbi Eliya Lopian (20th century Israel) who was holed up in a crowded bomb shelter during the 1948 War of Independence. A few of the people inside the shelter were speaking Loshon Hara, when suddenly Rabbi Lopian got up, opened the bomb shelter door and stepped outside. "But there's rockets raining overhead," the people shouted, "You're putting yourself in great danger!" Rabbi Lopian calmly turned to them and said, "By sitting amidst gossip, I am in even greater danger."
Jewish unity and love for others are needed to win this battle as well, but not only during difficult times should this be the focus. What can we do as parents to help our children to not be wary of other Jewish groups, but rather appreciate them for their admirable qualities? Can we speak about others with Ahavat Yisrael, benefit of the doubt and positive outlooks on a day to day basis?
This past week our students lived the importance of two types of אהבה- love- ואהבת את ה אלוקיך and ואהבת לרעך כמוך - a relationship with G-d and with Am Yisrael. Both are relationships we need to foster for both the success of the Jewish people, particularly during difficult times, and our own psychological well-being.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Based on pieces of advice for middle school success from last year’s sixth graders, this year’s students chose some practical strategies they may want to include this year.
Seventh Grade: Students began a new unit on Empathy called Operation Respect.
Eighth Grade: Students began diving into the application process and what might affect high school choice.
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