This past week I had the privilege to attend an event at Yeshiva University- Great Conversations with Dr. Jonathan Haidt and Rabbi Dr. Ari Berman. For those of you who have been reading my column or have been Yavneh parents for some time you probably know the essential role Dr. Haidt’s book The Anxious Generation has played in spurring various technology safety and education initiatives, including the Yavneh’s Parent Tech Steering Committee.
Dr. Haidt referenced the Tikvah forum’s Jewish Schools & Technology Summit,- organized by Caroline Bryk. Some of Yavneh’s parent tech committee, guidance team, director of technology and administrators were fortunate to join that two day event. The Summit brought together over 50 Jewish schools to put our heads together to implement “collective action” (as Haidt calls it), and to unite to create communal norms with coordination among parents, schools, camps etc. Experts in medicine, psychology and education presented with the goal of beginning to reassess and formulate new tech policies in our schools. As someone who was lucky to be a part of the summit, I can attest that we were most definitely inspired to make some real changes.
One item that Dr. Haidt discussed at YU last week, and discusses in his book, is the relative ease we can have as an Orthodox community to create communal norms and collective action- something with which communities in the rest of the world struggle. We actually have a “community.” And, he even stated that as a non-observant Jew he still regrets not keeping Shabbat- a day where technology is not used. “… no structure to my week. If I had said ‘We’re doing Shabbat’ my life and family life would have been better.” Additionally, he noted that the mental health crisis among teens rose tremendously in 2011- attributed to cellphone use -but in families who were religious there was and has been significantly less of a rise than in those who are not religious.
He then summarized his four step plan (as outlined in his book) to find a solution to the mental health crisis:
No smartphone before high school. Never give a smartphone as a first phone!
No social media before 16. We need a law in the United States to make it so!
Phone free schools. (He referenced the over 35 states that have implemented policies- see below. And, the mothers went into action- spearheaded by Tikvah).
Far more responsibility and free play in the real world.
(He also went on to discuss the world of AI and its effects on education- a topic we ourselves as administrators have been discussing with the faculty at Yavneh. And… no, ChatGPT doesn’t write my columns!)
So, as we returned to Yavneh this past week, we introduced our sixth graders to the landline phone to use when needed. We are proud of our no-phone policy and of the numerous parents who signed up for the pledges in past years, and of the bar/bat mitzvah and outside of school phone/social media use best practices- much of which were parent-led initiatives.
Our students are onboard as well! We will meet with our Student Technology Advisory Committee and have made this topic an integral part of our Advisory curriculum, as our students need to be part of or even lead a piece of this initiative.
And, we are so blessed. I had a doctor’s appointment this week and the nurse shared with me that her son was starting middle school. We began discussing that he just got a phone (primarily because he travels home on the bus), and when I shared with her that there are non- smart phone options, she had no idea. No one in his school had sent out a list of potential non- smart phones like we did at our school.
Interestingly enough, while outside the Jewish community they struggle to create community norms like we can, there are presently 35 states with laws or rules limiting phones and other electronic devices in schools (some only during instructional time and some for the day). You can see a map below.
As we approached the start of the new school year, all the local schools reinvigorated their initiatives. Just recently two articles in The Jewish Link highlighted why we need to focus on technology limits as we start the school year. Rabbi Daniel Alter of Moriah wrote “Analysis: A Playbook for Tackling Smartphones”– describing a journey similar to ours at Yavneh. And, Rabbi Larry Rothwachs wrote “Six Years Later: The Camp Test We Keep Ignoring” highlighting how much healthier teens are in camp without their phones, and considering what lessons from camp we can apply to the school year.
…Talk to camp directors and staff across the country and you will hear the same thing: take away the devices and kids do not just survive, they come alive.
Not surprisingly, these observations align perfectly with new research published in JAMA Psychiatry this summer. Researchers followed 4,200 children over four years and found that “addictive patterns of use, where devices interfere with sleep, school, and real-world relationships, most strongly correlate with poor mental health outcomes, including suicidal ideation and self-harm.”
We have known this for years. Each summer we watch fractured attention, disconnection, and exhaustion fade almost as soon as the phone is gone.
But, as we start the school year, it is not only about making sure our children aren’t addicted to their technology. It is also about disconnecting them from technology so they can truly enjoy their learning. Isn’t that our goal for all of our children- that they should love their educational experience and love learning Torah?
I recently came across an article on aish.com which hit home as a parent and educator:
Ever wonder what would happen if we treated the Torah as we treat our cell phone?
What if we carried it around in our purse or pocket every day?
What if we looked through it many times each day?
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
What if we always checked it for messages?
What if we treated it as if we couldn't manage a day without it?
What if we gave it to our children as a special gift?
What if we always took it, and used it, when we traveled?
What if we always thought to use it in case of an emergency?
Oh, and one more thing...
Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about Torah being disconnected, because its "Carrier" never fails.
This article struck home to me as it reminded me of the fact that even if we choose to delay giving a phone to our child, or set strict limits, we are role models for our children in our phone usage. Are we always on our phones? Are we constantly running to check our phones? As Rabbi Rothwachs wrote:
And here is the deeper truth: they are offering us adults a gift. They are reminding us that we, too, need breaks from the constant ping of notifications, the endless scroll, the fractured attention we have come to accept as normal. When we free them, we create space to free ourselves.
And, Rabbi Rothwach’s points to the fact that without their phones they can connect more to their learning and to their Judaism:
A staff member recently shared that a group of teenage boys spent an entire evening in deep conversation about God and free will, the kind of meandering discussion that simply does not happen when a screen is within arm’s reach, ready to interrupt or offer an easy escape.
These words and the article from aish.com encouraging us that Torah should be as exciting as beloved as our phones, also reminded me of a column I wrote years ago about the power we have as parents to excite our children about Torah and Judaism. Are we role models for our children in treating Torah as “a special gift” that we are eager to learn and to practice?
Some years ago, we hosted a Positive Jewish Parenting conference for the community at Yavneh Academy. Rabbi J.J. Schachter delivered the keynote address on the topic of “The Romance We Pass On To Our Children.”
Children of all ages must feel romance- a romance that only their parents can show them. Not the romance of love, (which is not particularly applicable for a young child), but rather romance for Judaism, as he quoted from Rabbi J.B. Soloveitchik. Rav Soloveitchik discussed how his father passed on halachic Judaism to him, but his mother passed on the “soul”- the experience- of Judaism. As The Rav wrote: “She taught me that there is a flavor, a scent and warmth to mitzvot. I learned from her the most important thing in life—to feel the presence of the Almighty and the gentle pressure of His hand resting upon my frail shoulders… The Shabbat as a living entity, as a queen, was revealed to me by my mother… how to greet the Shabbat and how to enjoy her twenty-four hour presence.” For Judaism is not just halachot and exegesis, but it is a romance. One must become wrapped up with Judaism, as one would with a romantic partner (or as indicated above, as many are with one’s phone). It is the parent’s job to make sure that happens.
Dr. Haidt discussed how children need to “grow up in a “moral universe.” Life online has shredded any chance of that happening. Since the rise of social media the amount of teens who say “my life has no meaning” has doubled. This generation is thirsting for moral instruction. He went on to share that in the non- Jewish world there was a tremendous decline in church attendance. But, the numbers are starting to go up again as there is a “spiritual hunger” in the world today. As Dr. Viktor Frankel, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor noted in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, “Ever more people have the means to live, but no meaning to live for. “ And, Frankl writes in a sentence very accurately depicting us today: “When a man can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.“ This raising our children with meaning begins with that “romance” for Judaism and Torah that we model ourselves as parents, and with technology/phone limits.
May this year be one as we focus on ridding our families of the “phone-based childhood” as Dr. Haidt asserts, where our children will rather “develop social skills, overcome anxiety, and become self-governing young adults” who are also engaged in and excited by their learning and Judaism.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Students began their first session of Advisory with an introduction as to what Advisory is and how it can help their transition to middle school with the theme of “You Want To Succeed in Middle School? Here’s How!” They jumped right in with first a “Getting to Know You” activity.
Seventh Grade: Students were introduced to the theme of their Advisory curriculum this year “Prepare Yourself To Change The World.”
Eighth Grade: As our 8th graders began their last year of Yavneh Advisory, they were introduced to the practical theme this year of “Preparing for Life After Yavneh.”
