L'Hodot U'Lhallel Every Single Day Of The Year

This past Shabbat, Rosh Chodesh, Chanukah was, what we affectionately call, “Mrs. Cooperman’s Shabbat.”  What does that mean?  It is based on an article by Rabbi Emanuel Feldman “G-d and Mrs.Cooperman”  which first appeared in the Rabbinical Council of America Torah Journal, Tradition in 1995.  Tradition was always a mainstay in our home, as my father, a”h, was the executive director of the RCA, and I still recall reading that article. (It has since appeared in Mishpacha Magazine a few times. My quotes from the article below are from both Tradition and Mishpacha).  The article is based on the davening that we daven on the  Shabbat that we just experienced yesterday- which is also Rosh Chodesh and Chanukah. That Shabbat has the longest Shemoneh Esrei- where we say all the additions for Shabbat, and Rosh Chodesh and Chanukah. (Same with bentching!)  (I have since heard that Rabbi Neuburger also spoke about Mrs. Cooperman’s Shabbat this week in shul). 

According to Rabbi Dovid Heber, author of The Intriguing World of Jewish Time: Fascinating Zmanim and Calendar Calculations- a calendar guru- in his presentation on Torah Anytime, this is the sixth time in eleven years that we have had Shabbat, Rosh Chodesh and Chanukah together. But, we are about to have a dry spell. The next time this will happen again will be in 2039- the longest time we will go without the triple. The last time we had a fourteen year break was from 1805-1819. (And, the next time will be from 2052- 2066).  So, I thought it was a good time to stop and appreciate this phenomenon. 

Who was Mrs. Cooperman? She was an elderly woman who attended Rabbi Feldman’s father’s shul in Baltimore. She was “every rabbi’s ideal congregant; she never spoke during services, she davened meticulously, caressing every word, she listened avidly to the rabbi’s sermons, gave charity generously… There was only one problem. Other than her ability to read Hebrew, she was completely unlettered and unlearned. That is why, in fact, she never skipped a word of davening: she was unable to distinguish between prayers that are recited on a regular Shabbat and those which are recited only when Shabbat coincides with Rosh Chodesh, or Yom Tov or Chanukah.  The net result was that on every single Shabbat of the year she recited every single prayer on every single page of the service.”  

And, when Rabbi Feldman’s mother would gently remind her that she need not say all those pages on a regular Shabbat she would respond,“Nu, so what is terrible if I say it? These are holy words, and I’m talking to G-d in His holy language, so what could be bad?”

As pre-teens, Rabbi Feldman and his brothers growing up in their father’s shul found Mrs. Cooperman to be humorous. Then one year Rosh Chodesh Tevet was Shabbat Chanukah!  Yaale V’Yavo, Al HaNisim, Hallel-everything was said from beginning to end. And, the same with bentching! The one time that Mrs. Cooperman was correct- “Today is her day!” And, from that point on Shabbat, Rosh Chodesh, Chanukah became known as Mrs. Cooperman’s Shabbat. 

Rabbi Feldman notes that while they used to laugh about her, she possessed something that most of us lack,

 “She didn’t know the translations of those words, but in a much deeper sense she understood their meaning. She brought to her praying a total submission of the self before the Presence of G-d, a love for her Creator so consuming that she could not bear to pass over a single word of His holy siddur. 

She worshiped G-d not from knowledge or intellect, but from an inner spirit that transcends the mind…She praised Him for the Chanukah miracle every Shabbos of the year, she ushered in the New Moon every week of the year, her davening was a seamless web that did not distinguish one kind of holiness from another. G-d was her Divine friend, and, as the very embodiment of the Talmud’s “Rachamana liba ba’i — G-d desires the heart”(Sanhedrin 106b), her deepest when she said Baruch ata, she knew she was talking to her personal Creator, and that He was listening…her greatest joy was to engage in conversation with Him…Bizarre as her davening was, she brought to it a total submission before her Creator, a love so consuming that she could not pass over a single word of His holy siddur.”

Rabbi Feldman points out that we are missing this quality today. A shul’s worth is often measured by how quickly the services end. People are annoyed if the baal tefilla keeps them in shul for a few extra moments. Our prayers are robotic, “mechanical service of the lips” not the heart.  If only we could emulate Mrs. Cooperman by “caressing the words”, and genuinely surrendering ourselves before our maker. 

I often think about Mrs. Cooperman as we try to excite our students about Tefillah. My office is in the Beit Midrash so I have had the privilege of watching every single siddur play practice for the past 20 years I have been at Yavneh. The pure joy and excitement I see on the students’ faces is priceless. 

And, then I have the privilege, in the same Beit Midrash, to daven each day with our middle school students. Some of them still have that excitement, and some have lost it already. So, as Jewish educators we are constantly thinking of ways to make davening joyful for our students and to make them feel as if they are talking to Hashem. 

Through our Beur Tefillah classes- of which I am again privileged to teach for the 8th grade girls, we try to help the students see how their tefillah can express what is in their hearts. For example, we just learned about Modeh Ani, which they probably have not learned about since they first got their siddurim at that siddur play years ago. What does Modeh Ani really mean? Why do we awaken with that? What are the things that we are grateful for? The goal is to connect their own personal lives to all that they are davening.  In this way, they feel as if they are conversing with their Creator like Mrs. Cooperman did. And, to remember that when we awaken each day with our souls returned to us- every day we can praise Him for Chanukah miracles, like Mrs. Cooperman. 

And, of course as parents, we play a significant role in helping our children feel that connection to Tefillah. As Rabbi Daniel Alter wrote in his 2016 article, “Teaching Meaningful Tefillah: Directions and Guidelines” 

How can we instill the sense of value and importance of tefillah in our children: The home environment has the lead role in achieving this goal. Your child’s day school is your partner…

As a child, my connection to Tefillah clearly stemmed from my parents. I proudly stood next to my mother in shul- watching her daven with kavanah, and still can hear my father’s voice as I heard him daven from the bima. They both truly loved and cherished the opportunity to speak to Hashem, and I caught on. The school, while important, is merely a partner. 

Rabbi Moshe Hauer, z”l, of the Orthodox Union who recently passed away, referenced a research study on attrition and connection to the Jewish community, completed in March 2025, in his article, “How Will We Face Our Father?” 

He shared,  “...the strength and staying power of their bond to Orthodoxy will be built significantly on the power of the authentic connection to Judaism they observe in their parents and role models. … bringing their child along to shul and paying far less attention to what the child was doing while there; the child would then see the parent and the other congregants engaged in their davening and learning”   That is what fosters a connection to Tefillah- seeing their parents having that connection in their own Tefillah, and observing their parents as conversing with G-d. 

Rabbi Moshe Weinberger, in his article “Lights” in Jewish Action points out that “Hannukah was the first “oral miracle.” It is celebrated with songs and praise as opposed to the physical festivities of Purim. The lights of Hannukah are the lights of Torah which illuminate our lives, which fill our hearts and soar above the parchment and words.” Isn’t that what Tefillah is meant to be? 

 As we celebrate the last day of Chanukah let us remember the importance of our children seeing us  להודות ולהלל not only on Chanukah, but on every day of our lives.

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Students continued a deep dive into Bar/Bat Mitzvah etiquette and proper behavior.

Seventh Grade:  Students visited the Hackensack Homeless shelter and performed for the residents, and delivered gifts, as they put into effect the skills of empathy they focused upon during this unit.

Eighth Grade-  Students discussed materialism and how it impacts American society- especially during this season.  

Maccabean Resilience

     The Maccabees were few in number and their chances of winning were slim. Yet, they did not give up and persevered and thereby רבים ביד מעטים -the many fell in the hands of the few, against all odds. They then arrived in the Beit HaMikdash and again were devastated. All the oil seemed to have been tainted by the enemy. Alas, another miracle! They found one flask of oil enough for one mere day, again against all odds. They saw how there is only enough oil left for one day. It will take a week to make more oil. And, then again, against all odds, it lasted for eight days. 

I can imagine the conversations among them.  “Why even try? There is no way we will win against the mighty Greeks!”  “We can do it- let’s not give up! Stay hopeful! Believe!”  And, then,  “Why are we even wasting our time looking for a pure flask of oil? They are all tainted!”  “We can do it- let’s not give up hope!  Believe!”  And, then “Why are we  bothering to light the menorah? It will only last for one day!”  “Let us at least try. Miracles do happen! Stay hopeful. Believe!” 

Chanukah is the holiday of resilience- the ability to bounce back from difficulties and persist.  As I have mentioned in past years in this column, one unit we will be doing later in the year  in our 7th grade Advisory is called “When Life Gives You Lemons- Coping with Adversity in Life.”  We begin with a quiz.  Who is this?  “He ran for political office seven times and was defeated each time.” .... Abraham Lincoln.  “His first children’s book was rejected by 23 publishers.”.... Dr. Seuss. “ As a baseball player, he struck out more than any player in the history of baseball: 1,330 times.”... Babe Ruth.  Why were these famous people able to continue despite failure and rejection? What was their secret?  Why do others quit the moment they face tough times? 

We demonstrate to the students that it is the difference between an egg and a super ball. The Advisor then takes a  ball and bounces it into a container. She points out that the harder you bounce it the quicker it bounces back. Then she takes the egg and throws it into the container.  It shatters. An egg- the harder you throw it, the quicker it shatters. There are two types of people in life. Some are raw egg people- who shatter when faced with an obstacle. Then there are super ball people. When they face an obstacle they bounce back. The people above- Lincoln, Dr. Seuss etc. with every failure they bounced back.

We then speak about the story of Jim Marshall, a former defensive player for the Minnesota Vikings.  In a game against the San Francisco 49ers, Marshall spotted the football on the ground. He scooped it up and ran for a touchdown as the crowd cheered. But he ran the wrong way. He scored for the wrong team and on national television!  It was the most devastating moment of his life. The shame was overpowering. But during halftime, he thought, “If you make a mistake, you got to make it right. I realized I had a choice. I could sit in my misery or I could do something about it.” Pulling himself together for the second half, he played some of his best football ever and contributed to his team's victory.”  Dr. Carole Dweck speaks about Jim Marshall’s triumph in her book Mindset.  We discuss with the students that after a setback you can be either bitter or better. The only difference between those two words is the “I”- I have the choice to grow or sink under hardship. 

Lazer Gurkow in his article “Despite the Odds” highlights the insurmountable military challenge the Maccabees faced when fighting the Greeks. He adds an additional challenge: If this were not intimidating enough, consider the internal threat. A huge number of Jews had Hellenized—assimilated into the Syrian Greek culture. They rejected the laws and rituals as ancient relics, superfluous to an enlightened people. They viewed those who clung to religion as backwards, a cancer to be excised. They would do everything in their power, including fighting their own brethren, to ensure stability and the continuity of their lifestyle.”  

Not only were they facing the external threat, but also their own internal threat. We are often our own worst enemies. At times it is our peers or friends that discourage us. At times we ourselves have an internal self-talk (which we discuss in Advisory) which discourages us from dusting ourselves off and trying again.  “Yet, the Jewish warriors rejected this script and drew on the resilience of their soul,” says Gurkow. Resilience.  Here, he maintains, they gained that resilience from their souls- from their Emunah and belief in G-d’s salvation. (We too have discussed the power of  emunah in helping our children persist through difficulty).  

In essence the Maccabees were believers, and they were clearly optimists. They had the ability to see the cup half full and not half empty.  We also call this in Advisory the ability to see the world through “rose-colored glasses” instead of dark glasses. We apply this exercise to the ti real-life experiences.  The example I give them relates to losing power at your house during a hurricane:

During the hurricane, suddenly your power went off in your home.

Rose colored glasses perspective: 

“It was so much fun when the power went off in my house during the hurricane. We all got to sleep in the same room and my father didn’t have to go to work.  We stayed up late telling ghost stories- it was like one big campfire!  We stayed up all night playing games and having fun by flashlight.  I will never forget that night!”

Dark colored glasses perspective: 

“It was the worst night of my life. There was no power so we all had to squish into one room.  And, all I really wanted to do was to go to sleep in my own room, but my siblings were playing and making so much noise!  It’s so boring with no TV to watch, and I knew my teacher would be angry at me for not doing my homework. I wish we had a generator!” 

Gurkow focuses on the  a message that stems from Chanukah that we can hold onto during any times of challenge:

   The miracle of Chanukah was not just that the light lasted for eight days; that is a rather small miracle for G‑d. If He could split the Reed Sea, He could refill an oil jar. The miracle is that human beings, fallible and imperfect, overcame their doubts and found a new script. They rejected the odds and charted a new future. They refused to live in darkness and found their internal light.

The miracle of the eight-day light is merely an expression of the miracle wrought by the Maccabees. G‑d wanted the world to know what the Maccabees had achieved and made it a clarion call for generations. Don’t accept the script of darkness no matter the odds. You have a light inside you that refuses to be extinguished, and that one little light can banish a great deal of darkness.

When you kindle the Chanukah lights this year, stop and think about resilience and endurance

When we focus on the light within we can persevere. What is that light? (All of which we cover in Advisory)

1. Positive “self-talk”- encouraging messages we tell ourselves, similar to what we would tell a friend who is struggling.

2. Grit- holding fast to a goal despite failure.

3. Upbeating thinking- seeing the cup half full.

4. Resisting negative thoughts- i.e. I am a terrible student! Nobody likes me because I am not “cool” enough. 

5. Positive coping statements- before, during and after stressful situations encouraging oneself with statements like “It’s going to be okay.” “I can handle this.”

6. Mindful self-compassion- being aware of what you are going through without judgment and then having the ability to comfort, self-sooth and encourage ourselves when we suffer or fail. 

7. Affirmations- statements that we make about ourselves that we affirm and say over and over until we believe them. 

8. Emunah- trust in G-d and belief that what is happening is good for us. 

Chava Shapiro, in  her article “The Opportunity in Adversity” agrees and states “the miracle of the oil teaches us a critical life lesson: how to find light in the midst of what seems like utter chaos and darkness.”  Shapiro continues that adversity can be viewed simply as an obstacle to overcome or part of life from which we emerge better, stronger and wiser. After facing a challenge we understand ourselves better and are better.  We need to remember the little oil within us that we can set aflame when we are ready. 

Chana Weisberg in “Eight Chanukah Lessons That Teach an Enlightening Perspective on Life” focuses on another lesson regarding facing difficulty that we glean from the oil lasting for 8 days. “Don’t fight darkness; enlighten it by shining the light of truth and purpose. Don’t dwell on negativity or failures; instead, focus on positive change.” 

Sarah Chana Radcliffe in her article “Lighten Up: You can bring light into your home by toning down the negativity” reiterates the importance of shining that light instead of focusing on negativity. Through constant criticism, lecturing, nagging and complaining we introduce darkness into our homes.  We focus on the negative and do not equally focus on the positive. We need to work more on finding the good, judging all for the good and focusing more on the blessings in our lives. 

In the article following Radcliffe’s article, various authors write personal stories they call “The Last Flask”- “They were a tiny band of brave warriors who had defeated the powerful Greek army.  And now, they wanted to renew the service in the Beit HaMikdash, to kindle the menorah that would light up the world.   But the oil they needed was desecrated, dribbling from shattered vessels, unsealed and contaminated. And then they found it- the last flask, the small bottle that would enable them to start anew.  12 writers share the last flask that lit up their own lives…”  We all have those difficult times and those “last flasks” that we can find deep within ourselves. 

Let us encourage our children to look for that last flask within them, even when they feel that all is lost.  We raise them with the encouragement that they can do it despite the challenges they face. 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade:  Students discussed bar/bat mitzvah etiquette and appropriate behavior at a simcha.

Seventh Grade: Our students are preparing for their visit to the homeless shelter as part of their Operation Respect empathy unit. 

Eighth Grade: Based on the Dennis Prager film “For Goodness Sake” students discussed- why do we do good and what are the benefits for not only others, but for ourselves? 

Being B.R.A.V.E.

     This past week we engaged in an Advisory lesson in the 8th grade we call a “Quality Circle.” A quality circle is based on BRAVE (Bully Reduction/Anti-Violence Education)- part of a bullying prevention program created by Dr. Rona Novick,  for which Yavneh was part of the research study when it was first created. Dr. Novick described how  automotive companies sit and evaluate as a team each car as each one is produced- which they call a “Quality Circle.” So too, we at Yavneh,  as a group, every so often evaluate how we are doing at Yavneh with our product- which is an atmosphere where people are respected.  Are we accomplishing that? Are we creating a good "product”? The crux of the lesson is to have the students discuss how we are treating each other and have we created an atmosphere where all feel respected?  We consider whether there was “bullying” and what do we as bystanders do when witnessing it.  

        The BRAVE curriculum discusses that the goals of this Quality Circle are:
C- CARING-  to build a caring student community
A- ACTION-  to speak about how our actions communicate powerful messages to bullies. 
R- RESPONSIBILITY-  asking “who else was present” demonstrates how we all share responsibility when bullying is happening, and it is up to all of us- adults and students, to create a safe environment. 
E- EMPATHY- we can support a victim even after an incident has occurred. 

Each time we do a Quality Circle I base it on a trigger- something in either current events or in the media that relates to the topic.  This time the beginning of the lesson was a discussion about how a few weeks ago Governor Hochul signed legislation in New York called the Jack Reid Law aimed to protect students attending private schools from bullying, discrimination and harassment at school, online or at a school event outside of school. The law requires that private schools have clear anti-bullying policies, reporting procedures and follow-up procedures. The law was named after Jack Reid, a 17- year old who died by suicide after suffering bullying in the school he attended. 

Some topics the students discussed were:

1. Whether they think the school should be responsible for bullying that happens outside of school. 

2. Which is worse- online bullying or face to face bullying? Why do some resort to online bullying over in-person? 

3. If someone bullies another, how can the bully make it right? Do bullies change? 

In this past Shabbat’s parasha Vayishlach, Yaakov confronted the “bully” Eisav for the first time in many years. How will he deal with Eisav?  Nesanel Safran, in his article “Dealing With Bullies” writes, “To get home, they must first pass through the land of Esau, Jacob’s violent brother. As Jacob well knows, Esau has been plotting to kill him for many years. So Jacob prepares a brilliant three-part plan that teaches us how to deal with bullies like Esau. First, Jacob prays to God to protect him and his family. Second, Jacob sends messengers to Esau with pleasant words and valuable gifts, to let Esau know that he wants peace. Third, in case all else fails, Jacob prepares to fight his brother if he has to.”  We all know that in the end the “bully” Eisav accepts the gifts, even offers to travel with Yaakov,  and peacefully continues on his way. 

And, while Eisav may not literally be a “bully” the techniques that Yaakov used reminded me of a workshop that I attended this year, presented by the Wellness Institute in October, (I encourage you to join their monthly workshops that Yavneh is co-sponsoring!!) , by Izzy Kalman, author of Bullies to Buddies: How To Turn Your Enemies Into Friends. Mr. Kalman presented strategies that I had never considered before. Mr. Kalman, who happens to be religious, has two versions of his book- one for the general public and one written for the Jewish community. In the Jewish community version he writes on the the back: And even better, you will learn to be a winner, all by yourself, by understanding the secret power of ve’ahavta lere’acha kamocha…Everyone will like and respect you more when you learn to use the hidden power of ve’ahavta lere’acha kamocha.

Kalman maintained that he does not want to solve people’s problems for them. He wants to teach “victims” to  solve their problems for themselves. He states (and I quote)  “that “V’ahavta l’reacha kamocha” teaches us what to do to someone when they are mean to us. We should be nice back to them. We should be nice to them even when they are mean to us.”

Really?!  It is very hard to be nice to people when they are mean to us because it is  against our nature. He explained that social creatures are biologically programmed for reciprocity. When someone is mean to you you feel like being mean back. Reciprocity is a good strategy in nature. In nature if you are mean to me I had better be mean to you or you will kill me. But, today we do not live in nature, but our biological program has not changed- we are biologically programmed for reciprocity as if we live in nature. So, I am mean back to you and you are mean to me and back and forth. So, let us change that reaction, proclaims Kalman. Even if you are mean to me, I will be nice to you and eventually you will be nice to me- as you are programmed for reciprocity. 

Mr. Kalman role plays with the “victim” and teaches him/her: When you are insulted, react by agreeing with the bully. Don’t allow the other person to get you angry or upset. So, when he sees he cannot upset you, he will stop. One example he shared was if someone makes fun of your warts. Most people respond by getting upset and responding, “No I don’t have warts!  You’re so mean!” The perpetrator will just continue as it is “fun” for him to make you upset.  But, if you respond, “Yes. I have warts. It’s so hard to have warts. You’re lucky you don’t have warts,” you have taken all the “fun” out of bullying you and he will stop.  Or, another example, if a bully calls someone “Bad at sports” the victim should respond, “I wish I was good at sports like you. What’s your secret?” Treating a bully like a “friend” and agreeing with him is disarming and the bully is left without any ammunition. 

Mr. Kalman asked for volunteers from the audience to practice this technique, by acting like a bully. Kalman (the victim) first responded like the typical upset child, and the bullying continued. But, then Kalman responded by agreeing with the bully, and it took all the wind out of his sails and he stopped.  It really worked. 

Full disclosure- I have not read the research on whether this actually works, but it does make sense. Of course, one must understand the players before making recommendations. But, somehow Mr. Kalman learned from Yaakov Avinu’s second step “Jacob sends messengers to Esau with pleasant words and valuable gifts, to let Esau know that he wants peace.” Fighting against Esav would have made it worse. (And, let’s remember, as Yaakov reminds us, Tefillah helps too!) 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Our sixth graders had a check-in on their adjustment to middle school, by watching real-life scenarios acted out by Yavneh teachers pretending to be students and discussing possible solutions. They also began the “Hey Dude, Don’t Be Rude” unit on manners. 

Seventh Grade: Students discussed how we often judge “a book by its cover” and how we judge those around us. We need to work harder on the skills of empathy to imagine what it is like to live the life of the other. 

Eighth Grade: Students finished off a lesson on the “Attitude of Gratitude” leading up to Thanksgiving and participated in a Quality Circle discussed in the column this week.