Man's Search for Meaning- Aseret Yimei Teshuva and October 7th

            As we as a Jewish community approach October 7th and the 22nd of Tishrei what message can such a tragedy provide for our children?  And, what message can we all glean ourselves to help us during these days of Teshuva?  

Over Rosh Hashana I read  Rabbi Doron Perez’s article “Choosing The World We LIve In” in a booklet  published by Mizrachi Days of Awe In Times of War.  Rabbi Perez, who lost his son Daniel, z”l on October 7th in battle,  begins the article “There is one element of free choice that no one can ever take away from us and that is our ability to choose our thoughts…We have absolute free choice to choose our attitude in any given situation.” 

Rabbi Perez then continues to share that this concept is found in Dr. Viktor Frankl’s book Man’s Search For Meaning  (which I have quoted in this column before). Frankl, in addition to being a psychiatrist, was a Holocaust survivor.  In his book, he wrote of his days in Auschwitz and why certain camp inmates were able to “survive” - physically and emotionally. His overall theory was that finding meaning, even in suffering, is the reason they continued living, and that finding this meaning is a choice. 

I had read Frankl’s book some years ago. Frankl was the founder of “logotherapy” - stressing three main principles 1. Freedom of will. 2. Will to meaning. 3. Meaning of Life. The primary motivation for living is our will to find meaning in life, and only we have the ability to find that meaning, even when it is difficult.  “A man who let himself decline because he could not see any future goal found himself occupied with retrospective thoughts.” The ability to choose one’s attitude about in any given set of circumstances, says Frankl, can never be taken away.  “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread...they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms- to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances…When we are no longer able to change a situation- just think of an incurable disease such on inoperable cancer- we are challenged to change ourselves.”  To continue finding meaning in life, one must have a goal and realize that life is still expecting something from him.  A man who knows “‘why’ for his existence, will be able to bear almost any ‘how’.” It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us.”

As I continued to read Frankl’s book, I continually said to myself, “This is so familiar! This is Torah’s view!” It is no coincidence! Rabbi Perez too sees the connection to Jewish thought and quotes the Gemara in Berachot 33b 

הַכֹּל בִּידֵי שָׁמַיִם, חוּץ מִיִּרְאַת שָׁמַיִם

 Everything is in the hands of Heaven, except for fear of Heaven.

Rabbi Perez says that this Gemara can mean  that everything that happens to us might be beyond our choice or control except for how we choose to react to what happens to us- our attitude. 

Rabbi Perez applies this concept of Frankl to the 163 days when he did not know what happened to his son. Was he being tortured? Was he alive?  “I realized very quickly that if I am unable to be intentional and proactive about my thoughts, they will get the better of me, paralyze me and destroy me.”

As we noted last week, Rosh Hashana is purposefully called the “head of the year” not the “beginning of the year.” According to Rabbi Perez, it is because “the head and mind are keys to understanding the essence of the day.”  We don’t spend any time detailing particular sins, as we do on Yom Kippur. Rosh Hashana and the Aseret Yimei Teshuva are meant to be days when we focus on our thinking, our “spiritual and mental paradigms and thought processes in preparation for the year ahead.”  What we think impacts on the reality that we see. 

This ability to change the way we think is an important skill for our children. We believe things should be a certain way, so we are disappointed and even angry when they are not. And, guess what? Things are usually not the way we plan!  If we do not have the ability to change, then we just fall apart when things don't go our way. We teach the students that this is called “reframing.” Reframing is a technique used to help create a different way of looking at a situation, person, or relationship by changing its meaning. Also referred to as cognitive reframing, it's a strategy used to help people  look at situations from a slightly different perspective.  The essential idea behind reframing is that a person's point-of-view depends on the frame it is viewed in. When the frame is shifted, the meaning changes and thinking and behavior often change along with it.

Rabbi Perez described how he chose rather than viewing reality as the glass half-empty he chose to see it as half- full. Quoting Steven Covey in his book The 7 Habits of HIghly Effective People-  between stimulus and response there is a gap and we live in that gap. “The things that happen to us- stimuli- need not elicit any automatic uncontrolled response. We have free choice to dig deep within ourselves and to choose our perspective on what happens to us and then to choose our attitude, response and course of action.”  

And, that is the difference between an egg and a super ball. In Advisory we do an activity where we take a bouncy ball and bounce it into the container. We point out to the students that the harder you bounce it the quicker it bounces back. Then  we take the egg and throw it into the bucket. With an egg- the harder you throw it, the quicker it shatters. There are two types of people in life- raw egg people- who shatter when faced with an obstacle. Then there are super ball people- when they face an obstacle they bounce back.  We then share, after a setback you can be either bitter or better. The only difference between those two words is the “I”- I have the choice to grow or sink under hardship.

Rabbi Reuven Bulka also substantiated Frankl’s theory as relating to Judaism as he wrote in an article in the the magazine Jewish Action right after Frankl’s death that “he would often tell Frankl that his book was very popular in the Yeshiva world.”  (And, also no coincidence that so many of the early psychoanalysts were Jewish, and that many of the most recent forms of successful treatment were created by Jewish psychologists).  Bechira chofshit- free choice and the ability of man to overcome his Yetzer Hara is the mainstay of this theory.  Frankl says, “Certainly man has instincts, but these instincts do not have him….In other words, there must have been freedom of decision. We are concerned above all with man’s freedom to accept or reject his instincts.” He similarly asserts the power of man over his environment, and one’s attitude towards the environment.  And, a life in which man simply pursues pleasure has no meaning. As it says in Avot 3:15 

הַכֹּל צָפוּי, וְהָרְשׁוּת נְתוּנָה, וּבְטוֹב הָעוֹלָם נִדּוֹן. וְהַכֹּל לְפִי רֹב הַמַּעֲשֶׂה:

Everything is foreseen, and freewill is given, and with goodness the world is judged. And all is in accordance to the majority of the deed.

 One way that Frankl says that we can discover meaning in life is through “doing a deed.” Rabbi Jonathan Sacks in his article “The Pursuit of Meaning” writes, “Frankl used to say that the way to find meaning was not to ask what we want from life. Instead we should ask what life wants from us. We are each, he said, unique: in our gifts, our abilities, our skills and talents, and in the circumstances of our life. For each of us, then, there is a task only we can do. This does not mean that we are better than others. But if we believe we are here for a reason, then there is a tikkun, a mending, only we can perform, a fragment of light only we can redeem, an act of kindness or courage or generosity or hospitality, even a word of encouragement or a smile, only we can perform, because we are here, in this place, at this time, facing this person at this moment in their lives.

‘Life is a task’, he used to say, and added,’The religious man differs from the apparently irreligious man only by experiencing his existence not simply as a task, but as a mission.” He or she is aware of being summoned, called, by a Source. “For thousands of years that source has been called God.”

Today, on Tzom Gedaliah, I watched a Webinar by Ohel “Resilience and Resolve-Persevering Through An Ongoing War.” One of the speakers, Dr. Aviva Goldstein, a therapist in Israel spoke and shared that she thinks the teens are going to be okay.  “When October 7th Came- we stayed afloat because of kids- in youth groups and schools- they just leapt into action.  Middle School and high school leapt into action. They were the ones who started all the initiatives- babysitting,  making sandwiches for chayalim etc. It took a week or two for the adults to step in. It was and is incredible to see the strength of Israeli youth. Their ability  to engage in the not- okay is going to make them okay.”  The deeds that these young Israelis are doing give them meaning  and hope. 

Rabbi Bulka highlights that according to Frankl life is not judged quantitatively, but qualitatively. As Frankl said, “It is not from the length of its span that we can ever draw conclusions as to a life’s meaningfulness...The heroic life of one who has died young certainly has more content and meaning than the existence of some long-lived dullard. Sometimes the ‘unfinished’ are among the most beautiful symphonies.” 

When one considers the “unfinished lives” of those who perished since October 7th one must remember the importance of the meaningful deed.  “And all is in accordance to the majority of the deed.” We know that generally speaking after a tragedy empowering children and adults to act and do something meaningful helps them feel more in control.  And, that is why our middle schoolers here at Yavneh have been engaged in so many projects to help support those impacted by October 7th…including themselves.  

As we commemorate the lives lost on October 7 and spend these 10 days of Teshuva in introspection, we need to prepare our thoughts and attitudes in reaction to the past and for the days ahead.  And, model this approach for our children.

We cannot always control that which happens around us or to us, but we can control our reactions and our actions after the fact. As Rabbi Perez so eloquently says, “We can try, despite the pain, to choose a path of hope and healing, light and life. Faith and beliefs impact perception which in turn impact our actions and performance. We indeed see the world not the way it is but the way we are.” 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade:  Sixth grade continued setting goals for the new year and highlighting potential strategies for success.

Seventh Grade: Students learned some skills needed for effective communication. 

Eighth Grade: Students began a discussion about what qualities they are looking for in a high school. 

Mindfulness The Jewish Way

        As we began Selichot last night and soon enter the days of the Yamim Noraim, we spend much of our time in prayer.  Whether hours in shul  on Rosh Hashana or a full day on Yom Kippur, these are days when we work on our  כוונה for Tefillah. With the popularity of mindfulness of late in the field of mental health, I consider that we, the Jewish people, were mindful way before it was popular.  What can mindfulness do for us as people in general and more specifically as Jews? 

Mindfulness is the ability to simply be present in the moment, and aware of your thoughts and your feelings, without judgment. Especially today, in an age of technology, we have lost the ability to just sit and be. I recall the day when I sat in a doctor’s office waiting room simply waiting.   Today, if one looks around, everyone is on his/her phone.  Mindfulness has been shown to help people manage stress, rumination,  anxiety, depression, addiction and various other mental health related issues. It has even been shown to improve physical illness such as hypertension, chronic pain and heart failure. Researchers discuss its beneficial impact on self-control, objectivity, flexibility, concentration, self- insight, morality, mental clarity and the ability to better relate to others. 

Mindful parenting can help both us and our children. Mindfulness can help you lower the stress that sometimes comes along with parenting, and can help teach our children the strategies as well, as we model them.  As Julian Garey of the Child Mind Institute writes in her article “Mindful Parenting” 

 “Mindfulness is designed to help you notice your emotions and calm yourself down in stressful situations. It includes breathing exercises, guided meditations and taking a step back from difficult situations. These habits can give you the time and emotional space you need to solve problems at home. Sometimes mindfulness means slowing things down. Being mindful means focusing on right now and not always rushing to get to the next thing. It means letting go of the idea that things need to be perfect. Or that you need to be the perfect parent.  Part of being a good parent is learning to dial back your own stress. Studies show that the biggest source of stress for kids is their parents’ stress! So, parents who are less stressed make kids less stressed.  In stressful situations, your calm response will help your kids calm down too. They see that you’re not falling apart. You’re in control and that makes them feel safe.”

Mindfulness- taking time to stop, think and breathe is a wonderful strategy to model for our kids.  Here are some other basic mindfulness strategies for us to utilize and model:

1. When you feel agitated, and you stop and think and breathe, say a mantra.  On the website “Raising Kids With Purpose” the author writes a list of some great examples:

• This is not an emergency.

• I can handle this.

• I breathe in calm, I breathe out calm. I breathe in love, I breathe out calm. (Dr. Laura Markham)

• My child would do well if he or she could (Dr. Ross Greene)

• Behavior is an unmet need.

• Behavior is communication.

• God, I’m safe with you.

• I have everything I need right now (Abundant Mama)

• Connection before correction (Dr. Daniel Siegel) 

2. Here are two commonly used breathing techniques:

1. 5, 7, 8 breathing – Inhale for five counts, hold for seven and blow out a big exhale for eight counts. 

2. Box breathing – Breathe in for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. You can use your finger to draw a box or square as you count to four.

     3.  Doing a body scan - bring attention to each of the following body parts one at a time:

1. Toes → ball of the foot

2. Calves → quads

3. Stomach 

4. Mind

5. Heart

     4. One more strategy she notes on “Raising Kids With Purpose” is called savoring.

“Savoring is aiming your attention on positive things in order to create a “bank account” of goodness to draw on in tough times.  When you induce the feelings of gratitude, empathy, and pleasure, you are actually changing the neurotransmitters in your brain to give yourself a positive sense of well-being and a strong sense of safety.  How to savor: attach positive thoughts to each of your senses.
What you see around you – nature, your kids getting along, your house you are blessed to live in, certain colors you enjoy  

What you hear – music, a baby’s laugh, the sizzling of food, birds chirping, the leaves rustling
What you smell – your favorite food, essential oils, your hair, perfume, your baby’s sweet skin
How you felt in the past – reminisce on past experiences that were very joyful. Savor through journaling
What you feel – something soft, your baby’s skin, your clothes, a tree
What you taste – think of the texture, flavor, and temperature”

This concept of savoring, reminded me of a Jewish mindfulness strategy Dr. Jonathan Feiner, in his book Mindfulness: A Jewish Approach  presents, noting that mindfulness is a way to connect to Hashem “The next time you walk outside, pay attention to the beauty around you…notice the light reflecting on the tree, the sound of the wind, the complexity of the world around us. Remind yourself of the artist who created these beautiful masterpieces.” He quotes Ramban’s recommendation to enjoy nature as an antidote to melancholy.

I recently heard a pre- Yamim Noraim lecture by Sarah Yocheved Rigler and she spoke about something that was similar to this concept- being mindful about everyday “regular” occurrences. She began by asking, “What if I told you you could connect to Hashem by doing the laundry?”  She describes that In Judaism we connect to Hashem in two ways and they are linked to each other. The first way is through doing mitzvot. A mitzvah is like a tractor beam. It is a beam of energy that comes from above to below and when you step into it you are pulled up. 

“The second way to connect toHashem is through consciousness, what we call today “Mindfulness.” It really tickles me that mindfulness has become so popular these days. Being mindful and conscious of Hashem. The Rambam wrote that the power of thought that Hashem granted us is what connects us to Him. Rav Shimshon Pinchas said based on these words that are life changing “When we think about Hashem we are actually with Hashem and when we stop thinking about Hashem we simply disconnect from Hashem. “ It is a matter of consciousness and mindfulness. “

And, that mindfulness is the כוונה with which we began. כוונה does not only apply to prayer. And, she gives an example: What does it look like to do a mitzvah with the intention of doing the mitzvah, and thereby I am connected to the infinite G-d of the universe? Drinking water is good for your bodies. When you drink water you could be, if you have the kavanah,  fulfilling the mitzvah דאורייתא of “וְנִשְׁמַרְתֶּ֥ם מְאֹ֖ד לְנַפְשֹׁתֵיכֶ֑ם”-  (to take care of your health).  When you drink the water and Iyou pause and think I am drinking this water as He has commanded, at that moment you are connecting with the infinite G-d of the universe and have stepped into that tractor beam. The name of my book soon to be published is: “Drink A glass of water and 117 ways to connect to your creator.’” Some mitzvot are hard. This is easy. It can transform your entire life. How many times a day do you drink water?...For example this same mitzvah can be fulfilled when you brush your teeth, take vitamins, eat a healthy snack, put on a seatbelt, drive carefully, go to a crosswalk to cross, wait for green signal,  stop at stop sign, dress warmly in cold weather, get to sleep on time at night. “I am doing the mitzvah of taking good care of yourself-” you are doing a mitzvah the whole time you are sleeping. Only if you have the kavanah then it becomes a mitzvah… When we do the mitzvah with mindfulness we are bonding with Hashem and there is nothing better than bonding with Hashem.” 

This mindfulness is a Jewish goal and a way to connect to G-d,  as Rabbi Dr. Benjamin Epstein in his book Living in the Presence: A Jewish Mindfulness Guide for Everyday Life  calls יישוב הדעת- peace of mind (literally-having a settled mind). He describes a meditation technique: “Stand still! Habituate yourself to step back and simply observe your thoughts . . . When you view your thoughts and feelings as an outside observer, there is no longer any self-involvement that demands their removal. . . First you have to let God in…” 

Dr. Feiner also quotes the mishna in Avot 1:17:

שִׁמְעוֹן בְּנוֹ אוֹמֵר, כָּל יָמַי גָּדַלְתִּי בֵין הַחֲכָמִים, וְלֹא מָצָאתִי לַגּוּף טוֹב אֶלָּא שְׁתִיקָה

Shimon, his son, says: All my days I have grown up among the wise, and I have found nothing better for (my) body than silence

Mindfulness focuses on the importance of simply being without speaking and listening.  He demonstrates the importance of this silence to Judaism: “The midrash teaches that when God gave the Torah and there was total silence, the sound came forth, ‘I am Hashem, your God’” (Shemot Rabbah 29:9) and that “most of the earlier tzaddikim . . . were shepherds because of the benefits of solitude” (Rabbeinu Bachya ibn Pakuda on Shemot 3:1).

And, while כוונה and mindfulness clearly relate to other mitzvot, as I started, tefilla is one activity where we have been “focusing” (pun intended) on mindfulness for years.  We take the concept of clearing one’s mind and focusing,  something we do multiple times daily, for granted.   I can share that I know myself that when I daven (including Modeh Ani in the morning, Shema at night, saying berachot before I eat etc.) those are the only times that day that I feel a sense of “peace of mind.” 

As we approach Rosh Hashana, Pinny Arnon in his article “Rosh Hashana: A Day of Mindfulness at the ‘Head’ of the Year” highlights how this coming Rosh Hashana can be life-changing. 

Rosh Hashana is not to be a day of guilt, but rather a day of intense MINDFULNESS. If we have been distracted and preoccupied throughout the past year – as many of us tend to be on account of all of the responsibilities, worries, and desires that divert us on a daily basis – Rosh Hashana is the day for us to put all of our concerns aside and to focus intently on our existence. Why are we here, who is responsible for our being, and what are we doing with the precious gift of every moment?

Rosh Hashana literally means the “Head of the year.” It is not the “beginning of the year” or the “new year,” but specifically the “head” of the year. This is because it is the day for us to use our head to practice the mindfulness for which we were ultimately created.

Advisory Update: 

Sixth Grade: Students had the opportunity to do a “How Are We Doing” lesson where advisors got to see how they are doing in school and how they are feeling about their experiences

Seventh Grade: Students began the next unit in Advisory on Teamwork, Communication and Compromising skills as preparation for Frost Valley.

Eighth Grade: Students learned about effective ways to set goals and assess their grit in achieving those goals. 

Second Chances

          Each week when I go to our local Jewish grocery stores before Shabbat, (and even Shoprite on Fridays!), I inevitably bump into Yavneh graduates (or their parents). I get an update about what they are up to in life- high school, college, leaving for seminary, graduate school, engaged, newly married, expecting twins (yes, a graduate once told me in Grand and Essex she was expecting twins!), and even teachers and rebbeim in local yeshivot. What nachat!  I cannot even describe the pride I feel in what they have grown to be.  And, you can ask my fellow administrators- I then run to the administration whatsapp group and post, “I bumped into so and so and let me tell you what she’s up to…” This past week, my shopping took me double the time as I conversed with various graduates (and even bumped into a student from the school I previously worked in over 20 years ago).  It has gotten to the point that pre- Shabbat shopping is my favorite time of the week! 

I truly feel that nachat when I meet any of my former students, but I feel particular pride when I bump into the ones who struggled in middle school and yet we never gave up on them.  We supported them and partnered with the parents, and they have progressed and soared since then. And, I am then reminded that you can never give up on a child, and perhaps what we gave them in middle school helped them become who they are today.  There are so many contributing factors, I am sure, to their successes. But, I do think we at Yavneh can take some credit. We told them that we knew they could do it… and they did. 

Mr. Charlie Harary,  in his book Unlocking Greatness stresses “What you think about you bring about.” Our minds shape reality.  He quotes a famous research study by Dr. Robert Rosenthal in the 1960s, which really hit home as an educator.  Dr. Rosenthal went to an elementary school and claimed that he designed a test that would assess “blooming intelligence”  by the results on the test, and would share those scores with the teachers. But, in reality he faked all the scores and randomly gave some students better scores and some worse. A year later, the students he randomly chose were actually at the top of their classes! (And, they all had IQ tests,  and he knew that they did not necessarily score the highest).   And, their actual IQ scores even went up a year later! It was all because the teachers mistakenly thought these students were “smarter,” expected more of them, the students then picked up on those expectations and adapted to them.  When teachers believed in their students, they actually achieved more. 

This reminds me of a video of a TED talk I show teachers called “Every Kid Needs A Champion” by a teacher,  Rita Pierson.  I am going to share a bit of what she says:

I have had classes that were so low, so academically deficient that I cried. I wondered, how am I going to take this group in nine months from where they are to where they need to be? And it was difficult. It was awfully hard. How do I raise the self-esteem of a child and his academic achievement at the same time? 

One year I came up with a bright idea. I told all my students, "You were chosen to be in my class because I am the best teacher and you are the best students, they put us all together so we could show everybody else how to do it." One of the students said, "Really?" I said, "Really. We have to show the other classes how to do it, so when we walk down the hall, people will notice us, so you can't make noise. You just have to strut." And I gave them a saying to say: "I am somebody. I was somebody when I came. I'll be a better somebody when I leave. I am powerful, and I am strong. I deserve the education that I get here. I have things to do, people to impress, and places to go." And they said, "Yeah!" You say it long enough, it starts to be a part of you. 

And so — I gave a quiz, 20 questions. A student missed 18. I put a "+2" on his paper and a big smiley face. He said, "Ms. Pierson, is this an F?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Then why'd you put a smiley face?" I said, "Because you're on a roll. You got two right. You didn't miss them all." I said, "And when we review this, won't you do better?" He said, "Yes, ma'am, I can do better." You see, "-18" sucks all the life out of you. "+2" said, "I ain't all bad…

(She then continues to speak about her mother who was also a teacher)... after she retired, I watched some of those same kids come through and say to her, "You know, Ms. Walker, you made a difference in my life. You made it work for me. You made me feel like I was somebody, when I knew, at the bottom, I wasn't. And I want you to just see what I've become…

 Every child deserves a champion, an adult who will never give up on them, who understands the power of connection, and insists that they become the best that they can possibly be.

Making a child feel like he/she is a somebody is the key to raising him/her to become a somebody. 

In our family, we are Star Wars fans.  This past week, Jame Earl Jones, who was famous for being the voice of Darth Vader, passed away.  His obituary in The Week notes that Jones was known for his “rich, resonant and instantly recognizable basso profundo which elevated every line he delivered…though he had one of the most famous voices in cinema he started out as a child traumatized into silence…” He had a very difficult family life. “The upheaval gave him a stutter and mockery from other children rendering him virtually mute from ages 6-14.  A high school teacher helped him realize that reciting memorized words made speaking easier, and by his senior year he had won an oratory competition…”  A teacher relayed the message that he could do it,  and his speech, which was difficult, became his claim to fame.  That teacher believed he could be a somebody and he became one. 

And, of course, parents have the same impact.  However, It is particularly difficult for us to help our children feel like they can succeed when they perhaps did not succeed the year before. But, the good news is…each year is a fresh start and a new chance! 

In a paper called “The Fresh Start Effect: Temporal Landmarks Motivate Aspirational Behavior” by Dai, Milkman and Riis at University of Pennsylvania they write about something called “the fresh start effect”- that people are more likely to tackle their goals, “take a big-picture view of their lives, and thus motivate aspirational behaviors” at landmark times that signify  a new beginning. It could be the first day of school, the beginning of a new week or even the day back from a big vacation.  They call these times “temporal landmarks,” a term which comes from the research on memory, which are markers in time that separate one time period from another so that people can divide the “timeline of their lives in their heads which helps them categorize  and thus retrieve memories,” says Melissa Dahl in her article “September Is Your Second Chance January.”  

These landmarks are also used to organize memories of ourselves, says Dahl, called “temporal self-appraisal.”  That was the summer me, this is the September me! That was my sixth grade me. Now, this is the seventh grade me.  Researchers point out that people often even “describe their pre-change self as a distinct person.”  

Dahl also notes that another explanation to the fresh start effect might be that “interruptions to a routine shake people out of autopilot.”  But, the problem is, as we intuit and the research shows, there is a lot of excitement right after the temporal landmark, but that excitement fades quickly.  When the first day of school starts, my son really does intend to do his homework the moment he gets home before watching TV.   And, slowly that commitment and enthusiasm fizzles. (Think about all those commitments to go to the gym…)  And, then your child (or you) is dejected.  How depressing it is to make that resolution on the first day of school to be different this year, and then life happens.  Most of us give up at that point. But, the truth is, it is never too late to start again. Every day can be a “temporal landmark.”  

I work with teachers to relay that message. Often I meet with children who are struggling behaviorally or academically and they feel it is too late.  There is nothing they can do. I tell them that I met with the teacher and we have agreed to make tomorrow like the first day of school. No preconceived notions or habits.  Tomorrow the teacher is meeting you for the first time, and you have the opportunity to start again. 

As parents, this is an important lesson to remind ourselves of and more importantly to share with our children. It does not matter how they did or what they did yesterday.  Each day can be a new start and a new beginning. I will not judge you and you can start fresh.  You can conjure a “temporal landmark” and a fresh start each and every day. This was me before Tuesday. Now, it is me after Tuesday- new and improved, or at least working to improve.

No matter how our children behaved one day, no matter what grade they got on their tests, or no matter how rude they were at the dinner table, we relay to them the message, “No matter what you do, you will ALWAYS get a second chance.”  I will never write you off as impossible or incorrigible.  The secure feeling that a child gets from that message ensures that he will share his worries and troubles with you before things get out of hand. Children who are worried that their parents have given up on them give up on their relationship with their parents.  “You may have skipped your homework five times in a row.  While I need to possibly implement some consequences, and sit with you every night to make sure you are doing your work, you can always redeem yourself.  I believe in you.”  

I came across an image which says it all- especially at this time of year.  

As we are in this season of Elul, Rosh HaShana, Yom Kippur we are on fire to be better and to do better this year. Whether religiously, spiritually or as human beings- we will be better.  We all make those resolutions, and then real-life sets in. It is so easy to be dejected and give up. We couldn’t do it last year, there is no way we can this year. But, Hashem is our Parent “אבינו” and He always gives us a second chance. He does not care that we failed last year (despite promising to do better).  This season is a “temporal landmark”- a fresh start. And, if for some reason it doesn’t last, each and every day He gives us another chance. 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Students went over the Success Tips for Middle School Guide created by last year’s sixth graders. They identified the tips they want to try to implement this year.

Seventh Grade:  Students connected the theme of this year’s Advisory “Prepare Yourself To Change The World” to how they can first implement self-change this year. They then had a “This Is How We Roll- How are we doing?” session- an opportunity to speak about how school is going thus far this year. 

Eighth Grade:  As a follow up to their incredible Corn Maze trip last week, students discussed the video “Who Moved My Cheese?” based on the book by Spencer Johnson which is about a maze as a metaphor for life- often full of challenges and dead ends and paths that we thought would be the right ones, and yet don't at all turn out the way we wanted or planned. They discussed the strategies for overcoming frustration and how to keep on going.