A Tribute to My Principal and That "Kesher"

High school is just around the corner. For our sixth graders, who are slowly adjusting, it is a mere two years away until they have to make the high school choice. (Although, right now we are still learning our Middle School schedules!) Right before the chagim, in our 8^th grade Advisory, we began discussing with them “How do I choose a High School? What affects my decision? Who makes the decision- my parents? Do I? Is it a joint decision? What kind of person do I want to become in the next few years?” These sound like serious questions to be confronted by a 14 year old who is making a “big decision,” along with his/her parents, for the first time in his/her life.

(We tend to take for granted the academic opportunities our girls have. On October 11^th we joined in on the “International Day of the Girl” created to draw the world's attention to all those girls who are denied educations and face poverty, discrimination and violence. This week, a 14 year old Pakistani girl who was speaking out against policies restricting women's education, was shot by the Taliban. Our middle school girls were photographed on Thursday raising their hands as part of the campaign to collect four million hands raised in support of girls education. (Thank you to Mrs. Robin Rochlin for bringing this campaign to our attention). Perhaps those few moments we spent that day hit home as our girls realized how lucky they are).

I was recently thinking about my own high school years as I had heard of the passing of my principal, Mrs. Chaya Newman, a”h. My high school years most definitely impacted on my love for Torah, teaching and reaching out to others. Those years helped me develop a strong sense of self and of success. Mrs. Newman was the principal for over 40 years and most definitely shaped the culture of the school that became my home. As principal, she was a role model to us of a woman who could be strong, knowledgeable and can make an impact. I have distinct memories of sitting in her office as a student council officer as she empowered us to make decisions. I remember spending Shabbat at her home as she reached out to students. I later returned as a graduate student to teach alongside my former teachers. I am grateful for the opportunities she gave me as a rookie teacher. And, I can still envision her dancing with me at my wedding, as one of her “girls” was getting married. The impact of those high school years stays with me years later.

We know of the incredible impact peers have on our teens as they enter adolescence. However, a recent study at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research indicated that adolescents continue to be influenced greatly by their teachers (and parents) when it comes to “school engagement.” In large public high schools, where classes are larger and more performance-oriented, there are less opportunities for teachers and students to develop strong relationships, the study continued. Adolescence is particularly a time when teens need relationships with adults outside their families to feel competent in their schoolwork. These relationships can even counteract negative relationships with peers.

Dr. Haim Ginott, a child psychologist and parent educator who began as a teacher, highlighted the incredible influence a teacher can have on a child's attitudes towards school, education, and even their own self-image. “I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It's my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or de-humanized.” Each one of us can recall that teacher who was that instrument of inspiration. Unfortunately, many of us can recall those teachers that were not. When we choose a school for our teens, we are not only looking at curricula, peer groups, and even the campus. We are also searching for teachers who can make that “kesher” - connection- with our children to engage them in the learning and growing process. We are very conscious of this important role we teachers play each day- in middle and lower schools as well.

When I consider what made my high school years so impactful, I realize that it was the connections with my principal and my teachers that truly made the difference. So, although it may be “centuries” since I graduated high school, I know that those four years made an indelible imprint. I express my gratitude to Mrs. Chaya Newman, a”h, for all that she did for hundreds of teenagers searching for that important "kesher."   May her memory be a blessing.