The Lottery- Do Good Things Come to Those Who Wait?

 Now that Cindy and Mark Hill of Dearborn, Missouri have come forward to claim their Powerball winnings, I guess it is final- we didn't win. The other big winners from Arizona, as of press time, have yet to come forward. I wonder what they are waiting for. Some months ago I heard on the news of a man who waited months to come forward with his ticket. The news anchor said, “That is what we call delayed gratification!” His comment got me thinking. Winning the lottery is the antithesis of delayed gratification.

Fox News had a roundtable on the topic The Lottery- The death of delayed gratification. People don't want to work hard for their money anymore, they asserted. Rather than start a business and work hard for years to build it up, they want to win the lottery.

In the book Drive: 9 Ways to Motivate Your Kids to Achieve by Janine Walker Caffrey, she highlights this reality amongst today's children. She calls one chapter in her book “Resist the quick fixes of the lottery, game shows and reality tv.” Teens watch American Idol and “assume that everyone who was successful in the business had a big break and fail to realize that making it in the music industry requires a lot of hard work and perseverance.” The same with the show Extreme Home Makeover. They watch people, (although well-deserving), being handed their homes on a silver platter. They then get the message “wait for someone to give them things instead of understanding their own power to make things happen.” And, then there is the lottery. We purchase our tickets and speak about what we would buy if we win. “If only we could win the lottery!” If your child hears that message repeatedly, she really will make the assumption that the way to material goods is the lottery, Caffrey maintains. She will understand that she cannot attain these wonderful things unless she wins them. In other words, she is helpless to alter her financial status except through some lucky kind of windfall.

This belief that people are helpless to change their status without luck has a detrimental effect. “People who believe they are helpless to change their situation do not have any motivation to make things change. Reality TV and lotteries have created a sense of ... helplessness.” Caffrey also states that lotteries also create feelings of entitlement. “Children are inundated with images of people getting things just because they want them.” A student can purchase papers and answers online. A person can lose weight if he takes a pill. We need to teach children to patiently wait for want they want and work for it.



This sense of entitlement is pervasive in our world of technology. The fast pace of technology has robbed our children of patience and perseverance. David Greenfield, the founder of the Center for Internet and Technology Addiction, compares e-mail to playing a slot machine, (or playing the lottery). “The hit when you get a good e-mail is like the hit of winning money. It provides instant gratification. Today's teens demand instant gratification. Everything must be immediate and now! Movies on-demand, instant messages, instant music downloads- all is accelerated. “Because many things have come easy... they aren't always willing to pay their dues. Some educators and employers worry that their work ethic isn't as strong as that of previous generations and that they are willing to cut corners and even cheat in school to get what they want now.” Weight gain has also been tied to the inability to delay gratification, as with greater self- control, one can better resist unhealthy foods. (I often consider the halachot of meat and milk and notice that they enforce the need for waiting to eat something one might really want. So, after eating meat, even though that chocolate bar looks delicious, I must exercise self- control. Even saying berachot before eating forces one to stop and think a few moments before eating- not just stuffing oneself immediately with the food of choice. And, of course, the laws of Kashrut in general force us to say, “No” to ourselves, even when a food is very tempting. And, in the other realms of physical need, the laws of Taharat HaMishpacha, serve the role of delaying gratification).



The need for instant gratification underlies most addictions, whether to drugs, gambling or even internet addictions. In his article, “Gotta Have It Now, Right Now,” Ronald J. Alsop quotes an English professor named Harold Schweizer who stressed the importance of waiting – as it can be “regenerative and restful, as well as a time for inspiration and fresh ideas.” In his classes, he has incorporated pauses and waiting times.



How do we encourage this ability to delay gratification in our children?

1. We make them earn their privileges (i.e. cellphones).
   
2. We praise them when we see they are practicing self- control and are able to wait for what they want.
   
3. We encourage them to take the time to think before they answer or discuss.
   
4. Those who attended my Tu B'Shevat parsha and parenting shiur last year might remember the famous Mischel marshmallow study where children were told they could eat a marshmallow right away or wait (delay gratification) 15 minutes and could then get two. Children who were able to wait showed increased success in school and overall in life. They recently redid that study to consider what made some children delay while others needed instant gratification? They found that children from stable families, where parents generally delivered what they said they would, were more prone to wait. “Beliefs about the reliability of others' behavior inform children's decisions about whether to wait for a better reward.” A child's ability to delay gratification depends upon his assessment of the reliability of the adults and world around him. Our job as parents is to send the message to our children that if they wait, they will get what we said they would. We will deliver. They can depend on us.