The Power of the Upstander

The news this week focused on the tragic story of Ki Suk Han, a 58 year old man who was pushed to death on the subway tracks in New York City. The past few days have been filled with discussion about whether the man could have been saved by the 18 people who were standing on the platform. Chris Cuomo, ABC 20/20 anchor, wrote on Twitter: 'Man pushed onto subway tracks. Some wave at train to stop, others take pics of man. No one goes to help him? What am I missing?'

It is not our place to imagine what is like to be the witnesses to such a terrible event. However, imagining the role of the bystanders is a discussion we have with our students. We discuss the story of Kitty Genovese in 1964. Ms. Genovese was stabbed twice about 100 feet from her apartment and her screams were heard by several neighbors. 38 neighbors came to their windows and not one offered assistance. No one even called the police. Some even saw the perpetrator return as she lay dying and stabbed her several more times. Finally, someone called the police. This story led to an area of research in social psychology called the bystander effect or “Genovese syndrome.” Why do people witness injustice and do nothing to help?

There are various possibilities we discuss with our students. One idea is that the bystanders may be afraid that some harm may come to them if they intervene. Research also indicates that the more bystanders there are the less prone bystanders are to intervene. We call this “diffusion of responsibility” as each person assumes that someone else will do something. Another possibility is that bystanders are looking around and noticing the reactions of others around them trying to ascertain if they should intervene. We commonly call this peer pressure.

Students can all relate to situations like this. Have you ever been on the playground and noticed someone being teased and not do anything? Why? Do the above reasons apply to why we as bystanders do not take steps to intervene? Are we sometimes worried about the negative ramifications of getting involved? The focus of our training when it comes to issues of bullying is to stress the important role the bystander can play. It is the bystander that has the power to ensure that injustice is stopped. In the periodic Quality Circles that we run in our Advisory program we focus on what we are doing in Yavneh to ensure that we as bystanders create an environment where everyone feels safe.

We highlight with the students that the power of the bystander is a Jewish ideal. This is the essence of the mitzvah in Vayikra 19:16 as it states, “לא תעמוד על דם רעך" “You shall not stand idly by when the blood of your fellow man is being shed.” We even do an activity with them

What Would You Do In This Case?

This is a true story of an event that happened years ago. What would you do if you were confronted with this situation?

Years ago, in a country in the Middle East, a young man who grew up in a wealthy home was walking in the fields. He grew up with everything he could ever have wished for- servants serving him night and day, the finest cuisine and no need to work a day in his life.

As he walked the fields, he noticed a poor group of people working hard to build some buildings. It was hot, as the Middle East can be, and they were sweating hard. No water, just some dry bread was their food. One of them attempted to slow down for a moment, and their boss took at a whip and literally beat him senseless.

This young man could not believe his eyes. Never did he see such cruelty. But, really- was it his business? It did not affect him in any way? Did he want to get involved in something that had nothing to do with him? Who needs the headache? It wasn’t even someone he knew or even cared about. And, if he does get involved- maybe he might suffer the consequences. And, no one else seemed to care that these workers were being beaten- why should he? And, if he steps in, life might get worse for the worker or even the other workers.

And, so he thought for only a split second- as if something came over him- and he confronted the boss and attacked him. He would never stand by and allow such injustice to happen again.

He then realized that someone might prosecute him for what he had done. So, he ran away.

Who is this story really about? What would you have done in this case?

The need for the bystander to intervene is the story of Moshe when he went out to the fields and killed the Mitzri beating the Jew- despite the risks.

This is  also the message of the Maccabees.   When  the Syrian Greeks "bullied" the Jews, the Maccabees stated "מי לה' אלי"- "Whoever is for Hashem, come with me.”  Have the power to resist the peer pressure.  Don't just stand there and allow injustice to happen. Stand up for that which you believe. 

 

What can we do to help our children become bystanders who make a difference?

1. We teach our children what they can do as bystanders. They need not confront the perpetrator directly. They can tell an adult. They can befriend the victim. They can distract the bully. These are all techniques we teach them.
2. If our children tell us of a story of a child being victimized we need to stress the importance of their getting involved and doing something to stop it. This is a theme that we can stress in other teachable moments (i.e. the subway story above).
3. Being an active bystander does not only apply to cases of bullying. It also applies to any time they see wrong being done. (If I know there is rampant cheating in a class, should I say anything?)

Our goal is for our children to not just be bystanders but to be “upstanders” who stand up for what they believe in.