Yesterday,
February 22nd, was George Washington's birthday. As we commemorated Presidents' Day this past week, and memorialized Presidents
Washington and Lincoln, their birthdays were more thought-provoking for me than
in the past. During winter break my
family travelled to Washington D.C. Since
this was not our first visit as a family, we added two new destinations to our itinerary.
We toured Ford's Theater and the museum
which was about Lincoln's life, contributions, family and his death. We also visited Madame Tussaud's Gallery of
Presidents, where every past President is featured in a wax figure. Our children took photos with every President,
(as they sang the Presidents' song they learned in 2nd grade), and we took time
to read about each President. So, while
Presidents' Day is often a day off from school, or a sale day to purchase end
of the season items, for our family this year it was a day that came alive to
commemorate heroes.
At
the same time, I am beginning a unit in Navi with my seventh graders on whether characters in Tanach should be viewed
as perfect, or can they still be heroes and role models while having flaws. As
the students learn the story of Kind Dovid and Batsheva, there are parshanim
who defend Dovid's actions as being halachically correct. This
school of thought stresses the importance of placing our leaders on pedestals,
establishing an ideal to which to aspire.
The belief that perfection does exist inspires us to achieve more. Other
commentaries admit that King Dovid's act was a sin, (as it relates in the
pasukim, and Dovid himself admits), and
even tzaddikim do sin, "Ein tzaddik ba'aretz asher yaaseh tov v'lo
yechtah," "There is no such thing as a righteous man in the land
who does good and never sins."
These
different schools of thought are often
found throughout Tanach when it comes to the mentioning of sins of characters
in Tanach. Ramban and Rav Hirsch, among others, ascribe to the philosophy that
"The Torah never hides from us the faults, errors, and weaknesses of our
great men. Just by that it gives the stamp
of veracity to what it relates..."(Rav Hirsch, Bereishit 14:10). Rav Hirsch continues to state that these
faults do not minimize the greatness of these leaders, but rather makes them
more instructive. We can look at them and state that they have the "same
nature" as we do, and we therefore can emulate them.
This difference of opinion as to whether our heroes and ancestors
are to be considered flawless or as having human character flaws is
interestingly noted by Doris Kearns Goodwin in her book Team of Rivals where
she quotes Abraham Lincoln himself and
his view of George Washington. "Years
later, Whitney [a Lincoln legal colleague from 1850s] recalled a lengthy
discussion about George Washington. The question for debate was whether the
first president was perfect, or whether, being human, was fallible. According
to Whitney, Lincoln thought there was merit in retaining the notion of a
Washington without blemish that they had all been taught as children. 'It makes
human nature better to believe that one human being was perfect,' Lincoln
argued, 'that human perfection is possible.'" Do we want to know that George Washington cut
down that cherry tree? Do we want to know about JFK's indiscretions, and does
that affect how we think about his legacy? Perhaps we are too tolerant of flaws in our
leaders today?
Rabbi
J.J. Schacter, in his lecture,
"Must Biblical Heroes Be Perfect?" notes that in today's
society we have a much easier time with the perspective that highlights the flaws
of our biblical heroes. Our
"anti-authoritarian" culture has a hard time accepting placing
leaders on pedestals. This does lead to
a difficulty in accepting rabbinic authority and the ease at which we criticize
our leaders. Is this a good thing?
Rabbi
Schacter continues to wonder how this relates to our notion today of our
parents. How old were you when you realized your parents were not
perfect? How does that affect our notion of parental
authority in today's society?
As
parents, we know we are not perfect.
There is some importance to letting our children know that we are not
perfect and having them see that we are fallible. The primary reason is that our acting as if we
are perfect does not at all fool them. It also gives them permission to be
imperfect too. We can make mistakes, and
then we model for them what a "hero" does to fix a mistake and to
move on. They also grow up not striving
for unachievable perfection and not feeling as if they can never be good
enough.
What
are some good ways to show that we are fallible? When we make mistakes we should "laugh
it off" and not make it into a big deal.
We need to say, "I'm sorry" when we make an error and own up
to our mistakes. We can even model our
thought processes and analyze why we made the mistake and we can do to do
better next time. Demonstrate how we
learn from our mistakes, but we do not dwell on them.
Rabbi
Shmuley Boteach speaks about our quest to be perfect parents. "We live in a society that invites
constant comparison and, in a desire to be perfect, people actually become
imperfect. What happens when you try
to be the perfect parent is that you bring an unrealistic standard into your
home that no one can live up to', Rabbi Shmuley says. 'Nothing is ever good
enough and, as a result, you raise your children to feel stressed, under
pressure and unable to forgive themselves for being human. The healthy parents are the ones who show
their humanity.
Humanity is found in the struggle and hard work,' he says... . 'Remember, it is far better to have a human household
filled with light and laughter than one filled with so-called 'perfect people.'"
In this
past week's 8th grade Advisory we discussed Alex Rodriguez and his being suspended due to his involvement
in using performance enhancing substances.
We recalled with the students how he was accused in 2006 of using
steroids in 2003 and at first denied it.
Then, he later admitted it. Now,
he again denies use of illegal substances. Do we believe him? After he admitted in 2006, would you still be
comfortable with his being a role model for Americans? Is it okay for heroes to falter, as he did
then, as long as they "come clean"?
And, now that it is happening again- how much faltering is he allowed
while still maintaining his hero status?
The discussion of who
makes hero, and when does that hero lose
our admiration is an important discussion to have with our children. Recently, I read another column of Rabbi
Boteach about Justin Beiber. A few weeks
ago he was arrested in Miami when he and his "entourage" blocked off
a residential street to drag race high-end sports cars. "The society that turned a boy into the
Bieb also deserves blame. There's something sick in turning celebrities into
gods..."
Cleary the
"Bieb" and "A-rod" are not the role models we want for our children. L'havdil, we want their role models to be Dovid
HaMelech, Moshe Rabbeinu, the Avot and
the Imahot who may have had flaws, (according to some), but were better people
for those flaws. More importantly, by exposing those flaws, the Torah allows us
to become better people. That is a hero.
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