Snowplow Parenting

            Since the scandal of parents bribing SAT proctors and paying coaches to get their children into college has erupted the media has also erupted in reaction to the New York Times  article “How Parents Are Robbing Their Children of Adulthood” by Claire Cain Miller and Jonah Engel Bromwich. “Today’s ‘snowplow parents’ keep their children’s futures obstacle-free — even when it means crossing ethical and legal boundaries.”  Miller and Bromwich say that snowplow parenting is more prevalent with the affluent as they are like “machines chugging ahead, clearing any obstacles in their child’s path to success, so they don’t have to encounter failure, frustration or lost opportunities.”   The parents in this scandal wanted to pave the way for their children to get into the colleges of their choice, without having to face rejection. 

 Dr. Madeline Levine, author of “Teach Your Children Well: Why Values and Coping Skills Matter More Than Grades, Trophies or ‘Fat Envelopes’” notes that she often confronts freshmen in college who are not equipped to cope with everyday challenges without their parents plowing the way for them.  The examples she provides are unbelievable- the child who never had food with sauce as her mom in the past had even called friends’ houses before she ate there to let them know she doesn’t like sauce on her food.   And, of course, the ones who never learned to study on their own, so could not make it in school.  These parents have it “backwards” as Julie Lythcott-Haims says, “The point is to prepare the kid for the road, instead of preparing the road for the kid.”

            As I read of the stories in this article, I was reminded of what an acquaintance of mine who is now an executive director in an Israel yeshiva.  He shared that now that the students have phones, (which we did not have when we went for the year- remember the asimonin?),  he will get phone calls from parents in the U.S. that their daughter's toilet is stuffed.  This snowplowing is exacerbated by the constant contact we have with our children. 

            A poll by the New York Times and Morning Consult of parents of children ages 18 to 28,said that  three-quarters had made appointments for their adult children, like for doctor visits or haircuts, and the same share had reminded them of deadlines for school. Eleven percent said they would contact their child’s employer if their child had an issue. Sixteen percent of those with children in college had texted or called them to wake them up so they didn’t sleep through a class or test. Eight percent had contacted a college professor or administrator about their child’s grades or a problem they were having.

            When we snowplow parent we do not allow our children to “fail forward” as  Dr. Argie Allen-Wilson said on the Today’s Show following the publishing of the New York Times article. “When we fail, that gives you fuel in order to be motived for not if, but when the next curveball comes.”

            We may not be “snowplow parents” but there have been a number of other parenting styles or labels identified. I am listing some here for your “entertainment.” (And, you can find these in numerous articles!)

• The lawnmower parent. This one is similar to the snow plow parent as he/she mows down all the child’s obstacles, struggles or even discomforts. Originating in a post by a teacher  The teacher author shared a story of being called to the office, expecting to retrieve a student's forgotten meal money or inhaler. Instead, a sheepish parent in a suit was dropping off an expensive water bottle after repeated texts from a child. Water fountains exist all over the school.
• The helicopter parent- This parent is constantly hovering and overprotective.  While the snowplow parent may not do their child’s schoolwork for him, the helicopter parent may.
• The tiger parent. This parenting style is the tough love, authoritarian style found in Amy Chua’s book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.  For this parent, academics are definitely seen to be more important than free time.
• The elephant parent. This parenting style seems to be the opposite of the tiger parent. This parent is always supportive, encouraging and even coddling,and is meant for children when they are very young.  Emotional security is seen as a priority.
• Free- range parenting- Free -range parenting is a parenting philosophy where children are raised with less parental supervision to accept realistic risks meant to be consistent with the child’s developmental age. It is often seen as the opposite of “helicopter parenting.”
• Bubblewrap parenting. These parents are often anxious themselves and often model avoidance to their children- as they avoid challenges and stress as a coping strategy.  Children of bubblewrap parents tend to be anxious as well.
• The jellyfish parent. These parents have few rules and overindulge their children.  This term was coined by Dr. Shimi Kang in her article: The Dolphin Way: A Parent's Guide to Raising Healthy, Happy, and Motivated Kids Without Turning Into a Tiger.  These are too permissive and their children have little self- control.
• The dolphin parent. “The dolphin parent is the balance of these two extremes (the tiger and the jellyfish) and are authoritative in nature. Like the body of the dolphin, they are firm yet flexible. Dolphin parents have rules and expectations but also value creativity and independence. They are collaborative and use guiding and role modeling to raise their kids.”

Phew! I’m exhausted by simply reading this list.  No worries- the kind of parenting we are doing is not at all on this list!  Or, perhaps we have bits and pieces of each one depending on the day.

            I think the most important piece to keep in mind is that overprotective parenting tends to promote a lack of confidence in our children. And, clearly, none of us fit into one category. Chances are, our parenting styles are a combination of many of them.  But, how can we tell the difference between providing necessary help and being a  lawnmower/snowplow/bubble wrap etc. parent?   How can we balance encouraging independence while at the same time being there to support them?  In some ways, we need to follow their lead and see if they are ready to go on their own. If they are a bit ready, let us help them go further.  I also try to ensure that my support empowers them at the same time.  Most importantly, I need to let go of the outcomes and consider whether I am helping them so that the outcome will be perfect?  Am I overly focused on the failures and successes of my children? If I am exhibiting controlling behavior and limiting their independence, then that is a sign that perhaps I need to take a step back.

            Research has indicated that “authoritative parenting,” as noted by Dr. Diana Baumrind, is the most beneficial for most children. As Dr. Denise Pope and Dr. Madeline Levine, Challenge Success Co-Founders note that authoritative parenting is  characterized by high responsiveness shown through warmth, love, and support, and high expectations shown by enforcing clear, consistent boundaries.   Research shows that this more balanced approach that combines nurturing encouragement and sensible limits is linked to development of characteristics that most parents want for their children such as intrinsic motivation, resilience, creativity, and persistence.”  It is just that they have not yet found a “cute” name for this kind of parenting- perhaps that is why it doesn’t often make The New York Times?

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Sixth graders have begun speaking about what to do if you have a conflict with a friend?

Seventh Grade;  Students have continued delving into the BDS movement and their claims.  This past Friday they were privileged to hear from Mr. Jason Greenblatt, assistant to the President, about the Golan Heights declaration and how they can make a difference in standing up for Israel.  

Eighth Grade:  As part of their unit on addiction, the dangers of smoking were focused upon.

I look forward to seeing all of you on Thursday evening April 4  for an interactive evening presented by the Bergen County Prevention Coalition- Hidden in Plain Sight at Ben Porat Yosef School, 243 Frisch Ct, Paramus at 8 pm (doors open at 7:45 pm).

           

The Daily Masks We Wear

On Purim, many of use wear all sorts of masks to disguise ourselves. There are a number of reasons suggested as to why we do so, the most common one being an allusion the hidden nature of the Purim miracle.  Michael Gourarie notes another reason in his article, “Unmasking.”  He begins that Purim is the holiday of joy- real joy, not a hedonistic or wild joy.

The boundaries that are broken with real joy are the barriers and fences that separate us from each other. The happiness allows us to develop a different perspective on ourselves and other people. We stop judging others by their external behavior and things they say and do, and we begin to appreciate their inner soul. We begin to understand that the annoying actions, feelings and personality traits that separate us from others are only external masks that conceal the true human being. Beneath the mask there is a pristine soul that makes him/her a special human being. The energy of the happiness allows us to break through the mask and see what is beneath. On Purim we dress up, reminding ourselves and others that our outward appearance and behavior is always a mask. We realize that all those things that separate us from each other have nothing to do with our real identity. The celebration of Purim gives us the ability to look behind the mask and discover the real person.

Somehow, when we wear the real masks on Purim, we may be more real than we are when we wear “masks” all year long.

Once the chag is over, notes Esther Kurtz, in “The Masks We Wear” we may remove the makeup and costumes, but we then again slip on the psychological masks we wear most of our lives. The psychologist Carl Jung, the founder of analytical psychology, spoke about the “persona” which is Latin for the masks worn by Roman actors, that all of us wear to fit into the society and culture in which we live.

Of course, there is a positive aspect of wearing masks. It allows us to respond appropriately to a co-worker, even when we might be inclined to yell at him. It helps us to display patience, even when we have “lost it” with our children.  It allows us to use the CALM technique (Cool down; Assess options; Listen with empathy; Make a plan), and look calm, even when we are not. Our calm, in turn, helps keep our child calm. There is some healthy inhibition that we do display which does help us with interpersonal interactions. Masks can also protect us when we need to put up a brave front, when we are nervous, but do not want to let on that we are, or do not want a family member to worry as well.  

There are also “aspirational masks”- as one might wish to be more calm, so he acts as if he were, and eventually his behavior might change and he might actually be more calm.  This brings me to my favorite comment of the Sefer HaChinuch on Mitzvah 16-

דע, כי האדם נפעל כפי פעלותיו, ולבו וכל מחשבתיו תמיד אחר מעשיו שהוא עוסק בהם אם טוב ואם רע,

You must know, that a man is acted upon according to his actions; and his heart and all his thoughts always follow after the actions that he does - whether good or bad.

The Sefer HaChinuch continues to say that if someone who is evil decides to do mitzvot eventually his heart will go after his actions and he will become good. And, vice versa, if a Tzaddik is forced to engage in evil behaviors, eventually he will become evil.  “Fake it until you make it” may have some benefit.  

One more item about positive masks, when it comes to raising our children. We often have character traits and behaviors we would like to inculcate in our children. We need to follow the “oxygen mask principle” which is put your own mask on first before you help your child.  Children notice everything about us, and absorb the behaviors they see us do. We need to work on ourselves first- which at times involves putting on that aspirational mask.

Of course, there are also negative aspects to wearing masks. Teens, especially, are known for the masks they wear.  While our teens have been preparing their Purim masks for weeks now, adolescence itself is a busy stage of life where they are constantly trying on new identities to see what fits.

In “The Teen Mask In The Classroom- Understanding Why Teens Wear A Mask And What It Is Really Covering Up” Maggie Dent speaks about the masks we confront daily with teens. Of course, there are the physical masks, (much of which are not allowed in a Yeshiva dress code)- heavy makeup, body piercings, and unusual clothing choices. But, then there are the “metaphorical masks.” Teens are searching for independence, while at the same time searching for their identities.  "Who am I?", they wonder.  They also are desperate to belong. Some teens try on different identities while growing up, thus wearing different masks.  Some are so desperate to be accepted, they wear a mask to make themselves seem like everyone else.  And, of course, they are terrified of others thinking they are not good enough. In a video that we show the sixth graders in Advisory we call this the “terrible toos” - people will think I’m too thin, I’m too fat, I’m too smart, I’m too dumb, I’m too… you name it.

Dent names particular masks that our adolescents might wear:

The invisible mouse, (never wants to be noticed, hardly speaks in class, always wears headphones and looks away), princess nasty- ( dresses to “kill,” is the fashion police and particularly good at eye rolling at others), the Jock, the smart alec, the drama queen, the clown, the bully, the people pleaser, and the victim (who wears the “poor me” mask).  The more uncertain a teen feels the more he may feel the need to wear the mask. The more respected and safer he feels, the more he is able to be his authentic self. It is our job as the adults in their lives to help them feel respected and safe so they can remove their masks. Children should never be defined or judged by the masks they wear.  The masks are all worn when our teens are frightened and uncertain and they are trying protect themselves from your seeing who they really are- whether the sadness, anger, or confusion inside.  The more they trust the adults around them, the more easily those masks will come down.

But, in general, there is a lack of certainty and security in the teenage years which often looks like arrogance and bravado, as they wear those masks to cover their insecurity. They may say we, as adults, have no idea what we are talking about and their saying that  is often a mask.

As adults another way we can help them find the strength to remove those masks is by modelling for our children comfort with who we are.  We need to every so often talk about our own strengths and model self-love, so that they can be kind towards themselves and not have to pretend to be someone else. This does not mean we do not speak about our lackings and strive for improvement,  (also important to model for our children so they see that we too are not perfect), but to stress that our motivation to improve is internal and not external.

Then there is the mask that often boys are encouraged to wear, where they are raised “don’t talk about your feelings, be strong, never show weakness.”  I wrote  about this in 2017 after watching the 2015 documentary  “The Mask You Live In” which discusses the stereotypical demands placed on boys today to mask their feelings  which often leads to their covering them up with anger.  The film depicts how boys are often raised to not be their authentic selves, and to cover up their true feelings.  They may look cold or detached, but are truly full of anxiety and hurt feelings. But, unless they articulate those feelings, we cannot help them.  We, as parents, need to encourage our boys to express their worries and thoughts.

So, how do we know if themasks we and our teens are wearing are healthy or harmful, asks Kurtz.  If you are thinking “What if people saw/knew about this?” then that is a sign you are not donning the mask for yourself, but you are donning it for others.

This Purim, as we wear our masks, may we look beyond our own masks and the masks of others to discover the real person underneath the mask.

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade:  Students began a unit on Friendship and discussed how to choose a friend.

Seventh Grade: Students began delving into the BDS issue, how it impacts Israel and why it is an injustice.

Eighth Grade: Students finished up a lesson on the dangers of alcohol.

A Timely Talk With Your Teen

I subscribe to a magazine called The Week which attempts to give a brief overview of the week’s news.  In this past week’s edition, I read about the Vatican summit to address the abuse perpetrated by clergy.  Then I read about R. Kelly being jailed following his indictment on 10 counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse. I then read about Robert Kraft and his being charged with two misdemeanor counts of soliciting prostitutes.  Just when I closed that magazine, I opened the Jewish Standard  and read about the story of Israeli Linor Abargil who was Miss World in 1998 and recently made a documentary about her story of being raped just a few weeks before she won that title. 

This past week as well,  our 7th graders had our yearly Adolescent Life Workshops, (known in other schools as “Health” classes).  (Our 6th and 8th graders will be having them later in the year).   As part of the 7th grade curriculum, we focus on sexual harassment with both our boys and girls.  Additionally, right before the summer, we cover potential harassment/abuse issues that can happen at camp.  The goal of these classes is to educate both our boys and girls as to what sexual harassment is and how to react when they feel they are victims of it. Additionally, it may be difficult for teens to differentiate between flirting and harassment- and we want them to understand the importance of not perpetrating “unwanted flirting,” and not tolerating being the receiver of it, as it is considered sexual harassment.  The students are shown the New Jersey law regarding sexual harassment.  Perpetrators are often peers, but we also highlight the potential for teachers, coaches, counselors, who are in positions of power, to harass.  We discuss why is it that teens often don’t come forward, and the fear of retaliation. Whether the harasser is a peer- and they are afraid of the social repercussions.  Or, if the perpetrator is an adult, there is the fear of the impact on their grades, their status on the team, being threatened, and even that no one will believe them since the teacher/coach etc. is so beloved.

Students learn that sexual harassment can be physical or verbal. In the age of smartphones, texting and social media, the potential for harassment via technology is even stronger.  It becomes a form of cyberbullying. This includes unwanted sexual comments directly towards the person, inappropriate photos or even a sexually suggestive joke passed on.  Sending sexual messages or images is called “sexting,” and teens need to understand why their sending these inappropriate messages, even while in what they think is a relationship with another, can be forever damaging. Things you meant to be private, can find their way into the wrong hands.  As with all of our messages regarding cyber safety, no matter how many times we relay this message to our children, there are those who still take those risks.  That is why, the message needs to come often, from both school and home. 

The key is - anything that makes your child uncomfortable should lead him/her to talk to a trusted adult.  And, no one ever deserves being a harassed. We also stress the important role that the bystander plays.  If a child is worried about a friend, he/she needs to come forward to an adult.  

We invite you, as parents, to take these current events and use them as “teachable moments” to review with your children and to reinforce the above messages. It is hard for us to bring up sensitive topics such as these “out of the blue.”  Having a current event as a springboard for discussion makes the discussion much more natural.

As we discuss the issues with our students, we also stress the Torah’s view when it comes to sexual harassment and abuse. Our seventh graders just recently learned the story of Amnon and Tamar in their Navi classes. When we learn that story we explain, (Avodah Zarah, 36b),  that as a result of Amnon’s rape of Tamar,  Dovid Hamelech instituted the laws of Yichud for an unmarried woman (expanding the biblical law, which did not include single women).  I ask my students why they think Dovid felt the need to do so- to protect women from being abused and to protect us from being overcome by our evil inclinations which often lead to sexual misconduct.  The Torah clearly feels that no one should ever be forced into any behavior which makes him/her feel uncomfortable.  This is a Torah value, and in some ways centuries ahead of the rest of society. 

We also share an article with students called “Teens rarely report online harassment. When they do, they rarely get help” by Caitlin Gibson. The article focuses on how teens have been subjected to sexual harassment through social media.  Gibson quotes a study indicating that our of 300 teens how reported sexual harassment online through receiving “unwelcome or graphic sexual and gender degrading comments” only 60 reported the abuse.  Most reported that they do not report because “nothing is done when they do” and it “wasn’t severe enough.”  Some said they were worried that the situation would get worse if they complained.

We share with the students  this handout when we are done with our session:

What To Do

Remember, the law protects you so that no one can retaliate or take revenge for you reporting him or her.

You can take these other steps to confront sexual harassment:

• Speak up. Tell your harasser to stop. Say that the words or actions are making you uncomfortable.
• Keep a record. Take note of who harassed you, what the person said or did, and how you responded. Write down when and where it happened. Keep any harassing emails, texts, or online postings, too.
• Tell a parent or trusted adult. Sometimes it's hard to know whether events cross the line from teasing to sexual harassment. Talking to an adult can help you figure out what's happening and how to deal with it. If a boss starts scheduling you for early in the morning or late at night so the two of you are working alone, an adult in your life should know.
• If it happened in school, after telling your parents, report it. Tell a teacher, staff member, or your school principal. Share your records of what has happened.

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade:  Sixth graders finished up a lesson on working in partners and had the opportunity to play “This is how I roll” – a game to discuss how school is going and what they are feeling about their progress.

Seventh Grade:  This week we were privileged to host Mr. Malcolm Hoenlein the executive vice chairman of the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations, who addressed the 7th grade to launch their next unit in Advisory "Do Not Stand Idly By” on being upstanders and not bystanders,  and standing up for what is right.

Eighth Grade:  As a part  of their unit on substance abuse, students learned of the effects of alcohol.

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

          As a parent, I have spent many hours in waiting rooms.  The other day I was reflecting with a friend of mine how my waiting room behaviors have drastically changed over the years.  I used to come with a book to read, an activity to do with my child, but now I spend most of the time on my phone catching up on e-mails. (That is when I am not finishing davening!)  Being in a waiting room used to be my time to disconnect and breathe. Now, I find myself unable to do so.

            I recently read an article by Rabbi Emanuel Feldman called “The Waiting Room.” He humorously notes that the waiting room in his barber shop in Jerusalem has sefarim for Talmud Torah, so much so that “some men are beginning to choose their barbers on the basis of the classical sefarim that are available, rather than the skill of the barber. (Which might explain why Torah scholarship is on the increase, while so  many beards are in disarray).”  He goes on to say that the same has begun to happen in the auto mechanics’ waiting rooms.   Rabbi Feldman continues that life is in actuality one big waiting area. We are constantly waiting- whether for a train, a vacation day etc.  We are in “never-ending waiting mode,”  with the ultimate waiting- for the Mashiach “achakeh lo b’chol yom sheyavo” - I wait for him each day that comes.  We are not judged by our ability to wait patiently, but what we do while we are waiting.   I was reminded of a story I once read of a physician who worked at the top floor of a tall building. Since he spent so much time in the elevator, he used to take out a sefer to learn as he went up and down each day.   He ended up making a siyum on that which he only learned while waiting in the elevator.

            Rabbi Feldman refers to the Mishna in Avot 4:21   “This world is a vestibule/antechamber leading to the inner chamber, which is the World To Come.  Prepare  yourself in the vestibule so you can gain admission into the banquet hall- the Next World.”   While we wait there are numerous distractions and temptations and we need to choose what we plan to do in the waiting room. “Do we choose immediate gratification?  Readily available.  Thoughtful corner?  Right over there...Whatever one desires- from right and wrong, to fun and games, to serious introspection- is available within easy reach in This World.” There are so many choices. No wonder we get disoriented.  

            I often see middle school as the “vestibule” or “waiting room”  years. Outgrowing childhood, and entering adulthood- neither here nor there.  As our children become true middle schoolers, they still rely on us, but thirst for independence- neither here nor there.  They still hold on to aspects of concrete thinking, while moving towards abstract thinking.  Those of us who have had 7th graders before can see the transition that magically happens between sixth and eighth grades that year.  They are not children. They are not teenagers. They are “tweens” just waiting to grow up.

            Rabbi Feldman stresses that the time spent waiting need not be frustrating nor a waste of time. It can be a time of learning, growth and development. Likewise, I believe that the middle school years are the most important developmentally and in no way just biding time until our children grow up.  The middle school years are critical when it comes to academic readiness and readiness for life. 

            Thinking back to all those years in the waiting room, I would often watch how parents interact with their children. Although, I do believe it is important not to judge the parenting style of another based on one observation, one might be able to gain some insight into a person's parenting style by how they “handle” that waiting room time, notes the article “The Parenting Style Continuum” on the website Family Education.  They identify their own creative categories of parenting.  The bossy parent is the one who yells at his child in the waiting room. His word is law and rarely gives reasons for the behavior expected. He often threatens the child.  Children of bossy parents tend to follow orders when their parents are around, but do not internalize the behaviors. 

            The opposite of the bossy parent is the wimpy parent. This parent never asserts herself in the waiting room and allows her child to run wild.  She may threaten consequences but never follows through.

            Then there is the “strong and reasonable parent”- authoritative without being authoritarian. He is good at setting limits and applying appropriate consequences, but his children know that he is reasonable and will always love them and be on their side no matter what.

            The same three types of parenting styles are evident in the “waiting room” of the middle school years.  Research clearly indicates that authoritative parenting is the most effective form of parenting.  Children raised by authoritative parents are the most well- adjusted, creative, curious and motivated to succeed.  They also grow with competent social skills, have self-control,  are independent and confident. There is a fine balance between being responsive- understanding, warm and empathic, and demanding- setting appropriate limits, boundaries and expectations suited for the developmental stage of the child.

            There is one more item we learn about parenting from the “waiting room,” as noted in “From Waiting To Relating: Parents’ Experiences In The Waiting Room Of An Occupational Therapy Clinic” a research study. They studied parents as they waited as their children received occupational therapy.  They noticed that these parents formed a sort of support group for each other and naturallly gave and received support for parenting children with sensory integrative dysfunction.   Parents need and benefit from that mutual support when raising their children and the waiting room phenomenon demonstrated that need.  This waiting room research points to another key to parenting successfully in the middle school years- seeking out the support of parents who are going through it at the same time.

            Rabbi Dovid Rosenfeld in his commentary on Avot 4:21, quotes Rabbi Zelig Pliskin.  

 Scenario #1: You are a new employee, first day on the job. Your new boss is pestering and annoying you to no end — with poorly-defined tasks, outbursts, criticism, provocation. Your attitude: “What do I need this for? This is unbearable! Why did I take this stupid job? Who needs it?” The type of anger and frustration many of us are unfortunately all too familiar with.

Scenario #2: The exact same as scenario #1, with one crucial difference: A new coworker quietly comes over to you at the start of the day with the following warning: “The position this company actually wants to fill is that of vice president. It is a top position, one of the most pivotal, influential and high-paying in the company. However, it carries with it a lot of pressure. The owners are looking for a person who has what it takes to handle the kind of pressure, frustration, deadlines and juggling of responsibilities it will entail. Today they will be checking you out to see if you can remain cool and composed under those types of circumstances.”

Hmmm… VP? The position you’ve been dreaming of climbing to ever since you embarked on your career? What will your response be to the provocations and intimidation of your new boss be now? Eager anticipation! “Lay it on me! Let me show what I’m made of! This is my big chance!”

This is life. Life is a preparation for the world to come. The challenges of life “refine, toughen and purify us for our ultimate meeting.”   And, as a parent of a middle schooler, I often remind myself of the “banquet” that is awaiting.  It may be tough now, at times, but I eagerly look forward to the wonderful adult my child will one day be.  

As we approach the chag of Purim, Rabbi Mordechai Gifter, ztl referred to our mishna in Avot about the vestibule in preparation for the banquet hall again. Geulah, and the light of redemption is the banquet hall. The murkiness of this world, when the hand of G-d is hidden, that is the vestibule.  It is possible to see the light of the banquet hall shining through while still in the vestibule waiting.  In fact, is it incumbent on all of us to search for that shimmer of light even while still in the vestibule.  That is our ability to recognize the Divine even when there are no obvious miracles.

So many messages from a simple waiting room.  The wait typically is seen as a waste of time.  Next time you find yourself waiting, or raising a middle schooler who is going through the “waiting years,” contemplate the deep meaning of the waiting room, and consider, “How can this waiting room experience help me grow?  What am I doing while I am waiting?  Am I doing everything I can to develop while I wait?”

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Students discussed how to effectively partner with another child in group work and what to do when you have a hard time getting along with your partner.

Seventh Grade:  Boys discussed the dangers of gambling, as March Madness begins. Girls talked about girls’ aggression.  

Eighth Grade: Students began a unit on Substance Abuse and focused on the damage substances can do to your brain.