I subscribe to a magazine called The Week which attempts to give a brief overview of the week’s news. In this past week’s edition, I read about the Vatican summit to address the abuse perpetrated by clergy. Then I read about R. Kelly being jailed following his indictment on 10 counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse. I then read about Robert Kraft and his being charged with two misdemeanor counts of soliciting prostitutes. Just when I closed that magazine, I opened the Jewish Standard and read about the story of Israeli Linor Abargil who was Miss World in 1998 and recently made a documentary about her story of being raped just a few weeks before she won that title.
This past week as well, our 7th graders had our yearly Adolescent Life Workshops, (known in other schools as “Health” classes). (Our 6th and 8th graders will be having them later in the year). As part of the 7th grade curriculum, we focus on sexual harassment with both our boys and girls. Additionally, right before the summer, we cover potential harassment/abuse issues that can happen at camp. The goal of these classes is to educate both our boys and girls as to what sexual harassment is and how to react when they feel they are victims of it. Additionally, it may be difficult for teens to differentiate between flirting and harassment- and we want them to understand the importance of not perpetrating “unwanted flirting,” and not tolerating being the receiver of it, as it is considered sexual harassment. The students are shown the New Jersey law regarding sexual harassment. Perpetrators are often peers, but we also highlight the potential for teachers, coaches, counselors, who are in positions of power, to harass. We discuss why is it that teens often don’t come forward, and the fear of retaliation. Whether the harasser is a peer- and they are afraid of the social repercussions. Or, if the perpetrator is an adult, there is the fear of the impact on their grades, their status on the team, being threatened, and even that no one will believe them since the teacher/coach etc. is so beloved.
Students learn that sexual harassment can be physical or verbal. In the age of smartphones, texting and social media, the potential for harassment via technology is even stronger. It becomes a form of cyberbullying. This includes unwanted sexual comments directly towards the person, inappropriate photos or even a sexually suggestive joke passed on. Sending sexual messages or images is called “sexting,” and teens need to understand why their sending these inappropriate messages, even while in what they think is a relationship with another, can be forever damaging. Things you meant to be private, can find their way into the wrong hands. As with all of our messages regarding cyber safety, no matter how many times we relay this message to our children, there are those who still take those risks. That is why, the message needs to come often, from both school and home.
The key is - anything that makes your child uncomfortable should lead him/her to talk to a trusted adult. And, no one ever deserves being a harassed. We also stress the important role that the bystander plays. If a child is worried about a friend, he/she needs to come forward to an adult.
We invite you, as parents, to take these current events and use them as “teachable moments” to review with your children and to reinforce the above messages. It is hard for us to bring up sensitive topics such as these “out of the blue.” Having a current event as a springboard for discussion makes the discussion much more natural.
As we discuss the issues with our students, we also stress the Torah’s view when it comes to sexual harassment and abuse. Our seventh graders just recently learned the story of Amnon and Tamar in their Navi classes. When we learn that story we explain, (Avodah Zarah, 36b), that as a result of Amnon’s rape of Tamar, Dovid Hamelech instituted the laws of Yichud for an unmarried woman (expanding the biblical law, which did not include single women). I ask my students why they think Dovid felt the need to do so- to protect women from being abused and to protect us from being overcome by our evil inclinations which often lead to sexual misconduct. The Torah clearly feels that no one should ever be forced into any behavior which makes him/her feel uncomfortable. This is a Torah value, and in some ways centuries ahead of the rest of society.
We also share an article with students called “Teens rarely report online harassment. When they do, they rarely get help” by Caitlin Gibson. The article focuses on how teens have been subjected to sexual harassment through social media. Gibson quotes a study indicating that our of 300 teens how reported sexual harassment online through receiving “unwelcome or graphic sexual and gender degrading comments” only 60 reported the abuse. Most reported that they do not report because “nothing is done when they do” and it “wasn’t severe enough.” Some said they were worried that the situation would get worse if they complained.
We share with the students this handout when we are done with our session:
What To Do
Remember, the law protects you so that no one can retaliate or take revenge for you reporting him or her.
You can take these other steps to confront sexual harassment:
- Speak up. Tell your harasser to stop. Say that the words or actions are making you uncomfortable.
- Keep a record. Take note of who harassed you, what the person said or did, and how you responded. Write down when and where it happened. Keep any harassing emails, texts, or online postings, too.
- Tell a parent or trusted adult. Sometimes it's hard to know whether events cross the line from teasing to sexual harassment. Talking to an adult can help you figure out what's happening and how to deal with it. If a boss starts scheduling you for early in the morning or late at night so the two of you are working alone, an adult in your life should know.
- If it happened in school, after telling your parents, report it. Tell a teacher, staff member, or your school principal. Share your records of what has happened.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Sixth graders finished up a lesson on working in partners and had the opportunity to play “This is how I roll” – a game to discuss how school is going and what they are feeling about their progress.
Seventh Grade: This week we were privileged to host Mr. Malcolm Hoenlein the executive vice chairman of the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations, who addressed the 7th grade to launch their next unit in Advisory "Do Not Stand Idly By” on being upstanders and not bystanders, and standing up for what is right.
Eighth Grade: As a part of their unit on substance abuse, students learned of the effects of alcohol.
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