“Should
you let your kids get that app? Kids are asking for all kinds of new apps and
games after months of being home. Your 8-year-old wants a Nintendo Switch. Your
10-year-old wants a smartphone. Your 12- year- old wants to use
Snapchat. And all the kids want to be on TikTok.” These are the words
of Devorah Heitner of “Raising Digital Natives” fame https://www.raisingdigitalnatives.com/. She aptly expresses
what we are all feeling as parents- how can we set technology boundaries during
this time of social distancing?
Those
of us in the middle school know that we have been exposing our students as much
as possible in Advisory and their technology classes to the importance of
limiting their technology use and staying safe on-line. We have offered
both school and inter-school workshops for students and parents on the
topic. We have spent years bringing this important issue to the
fore. And, now, since social distancing it as if it has all been thrown
out the window.
They
are bored, with nothing to do at home so they turn to their technology.
In fact, many students share with me that the only way they can socialize is
through their technology- whether social media or playing games like Fortnite
with friends. It was easier to say no, says Dr. Heitner, when there were
other options.
So,
what should you say when your child asks you for that new app? Heitner says it
is okay to admit you aren’t sure. “I don’t know enough about this app to make a
good decision right now.” “I can’t answer that right now. This isn’t a
good time for me.” “ I need time to look into that with you. Let’s set a time
to talk about it.” The key is a discussion of why they want it. Often the
reason they want that particular app can be satisfied with a different app or
device that is much safer for them to have.
Or if
you are ready to allow them to have an app they have never had, they need to
understand all the safety issues and privacy settings. Parents also need
to decide what kind of oversight they need to have over what their children are
doing. How much supervision do your children need? How much self-
regulation and autonomy can they and should they have? Heitner also
speaks of “training wheels” and giving children a trial period with a new app
or device. And, actually, being at home with your children all day might
be a good time to try something out with your oversight. It depends on the
child and the situation.
And,
then there is the importance of stressing no device in the bedroom overnight-
still tried and true! We have spent much time in Advisory discussing how
distracting cellphones are during zoom classes. I have had a number of parent-
student meetings via zoom in the past week working out an arrangement to leave
cellphones out of the room during school hours.
Students
always are surprised when I share with them the research study from the
University of Texas at Austin, (and I have shared this a number of times
these past weeks!), where 500 students were randomly assigned to keep
their cellphones face down on their desks or in another room, or in their bag
or pocket. The phones were on silent. They then were tested and
asked to complete a letter sequencing task and a series of math problems.
They found that those who kept their phones either on their desks or in their
pockets did worse on those tasks than those who put their phones in the other
room. The researchers noted that “The results of experiment 1 indicate that the
mere presence of participants’ own smartphones impaired their performance on
tasks that are sensitive to the availability of limited-capacity attentional
resources.”
A
similar study was done when students were either left to leave their phones in
the other room or on their desks either facing up or facing down. Some were
asked to put their phones on silent, while others were asked to shut their
phones off completely. Again- same results. Just having their phones on
them drains mental resources. Our phones are attractive. Our mental
energy is drawn to keep our attention focused on the objects we desire.
Hence, no phones in the room during class time! (Feel free to repeat this study
to your child just in case I didn’t mention it to his/her class!)
And, then, we have more
questions: Is all screen time equal? As, Dr. Heitner asks, “Passive consumption with
passive inputs preys on our attention and our mood. What’s worse is that much
of the technology we use is actually designed to promote interminable idleness.
So how do we keep our children focused and resist the siren call of endless
scrolling on social media?” The question is, asks Heitner, even after this
is all over, will we ever go back to normal? As a self-proclaimed
“tech-optimist” Heitner has much to offer in terms of advice and
encouragement.
Does it seem to you that I am
presenting many more questions than answers in this week’s column? That is by
design! As I am excited to say that we have invited Dr. Devorah Heitner
to offer a parent workshop on technology use during this time of social
distancing to our parents and have joined with the five other local
Yeshiva day schools for this opportunity. So, join us Sunday June 7 at
8:00 pm to hear more from Dr. Devorah Heitner directly. (see
flyer below). I have received Dr. Heitner’s material via e-mail for
years. When this social distancing/distance learning began I considered that I
needed her guidance and advice as a parent. I then reached out to her and
was so excited to learn that she was offering workshops via zoom and I knew we
had to have her! We are proud to partner with the other schools to bring
her expertise to our community. Looking forward to seeing you there and
hearing the answers to many of the questions I presented today.
Advisory Update:
Due
to the short week, 6th and 7th grade did not have Advisory this past week.
Eighth
grade: Students
had the opportunity to discuss their feelings about
- Saying goodbye to Yavneh,
- What they will miss,
- What memories stand out to them,
- What they learned that they will never forget
- What they are excited about for high school
- What they are worried about for high school.
- What upset
them or how they feel cheated by this social distancing in terms of
celebrating their end of 8th grade. We had the chance to work through it
together.
And, of course we ended with
a virtual hug, as we will miss them! Students then filled out an exit
survey regarding their overall Yavneh experience.
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