Positively Expecting Gratitude

  Whenever there is a break from school I  put aside some time to clean an area of my house that needs some work.  (Yes, I don’t really know how to relax!)  This time, I spent some time in my basement.  I came across a small book written by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin called Thank You.  What are the chances of my coming across a book about gratitude during Thanksgiving weekend?  G-d was clearly telling me to read it.  (And, He was, of course, providing me with material for my column this week!) 

Rabbi Pliskin speaks about the benefits of gratitude for happiness, self-esteem and contentment.  These assertions are  substantiated by the research which I have previously quoted in this column that gratitude leads to higher levels of both emotional and physical well-being. 

 Rabbi Pliskin discusses why gratitude is hard for some.  Interestingly enough, there is research that points out that gratitude is specifically difficult for teenagers. Adina Soclof, in her article “There’s A Reason Your Teen Is Totally Ungrateful”  quotes a research study by Professor Jeffrey Froh at Hofstra University on gratitude and unselfish behavior in middle school and high school students. A similar study was done previously on college students in the University of California. These college students were asked to keep a gratitude journal where they listed daily things in their lives for which they were grateful. As anticipated, the college students reported an increase in happiness and gratefulness.  But, the results with middle school and high school students were different and their happiness did not increase nor did their ability to be grateful. 

There are some practical reasons why this is the case. Perhaps the teens felt forced by their teachers to write these journals and felt manipulated. Or they had “gratitude fatigue” as they wrote the same list day after day without the insight of older students.  

Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman  in the Newsweek article “Why Counting Blessings Is So Hard for Teenagers” provide another explanation :

Parents and teachers need to recognize that being grateful, and being a teenager, are often diametrically opposed. To be a teenager—in the classic sense—means expressing a fundamental desire to individuate from one’s family. This is not unhealthy behavior; it’s completely normal. They are soon to be independent adults, and they need to take themselves for test-drives. Pushing parents away, and wanting things to be none of your business, and exhibiting total ignorance of all you’ve done for them, are all behaviors that conjure independence. Asking them to be grateful—and wishing they’d be more aware of how their success is due to you—is difficult for them to feel at the same time as they’re trying to get out from under your thumb. Thus grateful teenagers are rare, not the norm... Their lack of gratitude might be the way they maintain the illusion that they are in control of their own lives.”

At this age when teens are thirsting for independence, maybe realizing that they were indebted to others is disconcerting to them.  We, therefore, need to work even harder as parents of teens to work on teaching them gratitude skills.  During adolescence, “[they] may have put [your values] in cold storage…but they’re there and they will reappear in time.”

One chapter in Rabbi Pliskin’s book is entitled “Keep Your Main Focus On What your Children Do Right.”   If we want our children to be grateful and demonstrate gratitude we clearly need to teach them. It is normal and natural for children to show a lack of gratitude, but we need to be careful not to “reinforce a self-concept of being ungrateful.”  We need to spend more time pointing out when they are grateful than when they are ungrateful. Instead of  constantly saying to a child, “I can’t believe you were so ungrateful,” say something like “This would be a great opportunity for you to show how grateful you are for how you benefited…” 

Interestingly enough, just yesterday I read in psychologist’s Sarah Radcliffe’s book Raising Your Kids Without Raising Your Voice  a similar idea.  Radcliffe stresses the importance of using positive tools to discipline.  She presents three positive tools.  Tool #1 is the Comment.  When we comment on a child’s positive behavior they are prone to do it again. But, if we comment on their negative behavior, they are also prone to do it again as well. We therefore try to not give attention to negative behaviors. There are three types of positive comments: acknowledgment, appreciation and praise.  (Read her book for more details!) 

Radcliffe then speaks about the  2nd positive tool in addition to the comment-  the label.  Children absorb our labels into their self-concept. So, if we label our child “lazy” he will eventually absorb that label into how he feels about himself and even act lazy. “What do you want from me- I’m lazy?!” Labels like kind, generous, patient etc. can be used when praising or when correcting a behavior.  The rule of thumb is to use the exact opposite of the word you feel inclined to say! (Instead of “lazy”, say the positive quality you need to see-  “making more effort”).   So, instead of saying “I can’t believe you didn’t clean up the food I gave you. You are so ungrateful!!!”  you might say, “I wish you would have cleaned up the food I gave you.  I need you to show more gratitude.” Next time we call out to our children after noticing the leftover Chinese sitting all over the table, through commenting and labeling positively they realize that they can be grateful beings. 

It is difficult as parents when we are too agitated at the “ungrateful” mess our children have left to relay the importance of gratitude. Sometimes when we call out to them, we are not in the mood to reinforce the positive!   Mrs. Shira Smiles, in her article “Genuinely Grateful” discusses why Leah, in yesterday’s parashat hashavua, calls her son “Yehuda” from the word “thanks.” She quotes the book Letitcha Elyon citing Rav M. A. Stern,  “A mother calls her son many times during the course of a day. Each time Leah would call Yehuda, his name would again evoke those feelings of gratitude she had felt at his birth, thereby maintaining a continuous stream of gratitude for Hashem’s kindness to her.”  While we haven’t literally named all our children Yehuda, I do believe that this strategy can work. If we stop and think about how grateful we are for our children, then perhaps we can stop to highlight the positive that we know is in them. . 

As we get closer to Chanukah and the receiving of gifts, I feel the need to mention the lost art of thank you notes. I know that many don’t send thank you notes anymore, but I do believe that a way to have children stop and think about how grateful they are is to have them write an old-fashioned thank you note.  Even if they type it on a computer, you are relaying the message to them that you want them to show gratitude.  And, even though it may be an annoyance to them, we know how much happier and healthier they will be if they are truly grateful and they take the time to notice that they are! 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Sixth graders spent some time reviewing what progress reports look like, what they can expect and  setting goals for the coming semester.

Seventh Grade;  Students learned about how the issues they are discussing impact on the Jewish community.

Eighth Grade: Pre- the JSAT test students prepared for what to expect and test-taking strategies for life. 

Adolescence Can Be Wonderful!

 

On Tisha B’av I paid for membership for the website Aleph Beta to watch some timely videos fitting the spirit of the day. Ever since then I have become a Rabbi David Forhman groupie. Each erev Shabbat, as I cook, I watch his videos.  While each week provides unique insights to the parasha, this week provided some unique insights to the adolescent years.  (Yes, I am constantly looking at things through the lens of material for this column!) 

While speaking of the death of Sarah Rabbi Fohrman quotes Rav Soloveitchik.  The Rav looks at the words “100 years, 20 years, 7 years” as describing Sarah’s age of death in his book Abraham’s Journey -Reflections of the Founding Patriarch . Most people pass through the stages in life- childhood, adolescence and adulthood and none of these stages can coexist. But, Sarah had the ability to do so- she was 100, while she was 20, while she was 7.

 “Youth represents idealism.  The young are committed unconditionally.  They arrogantly defy the world. Abraham, like Sarah, was youth all his life; he defied society of which he was a part...Sarah was both child and old woman...one must also thank G-d in a childlike manner, in the vocabulary of a youngster whose feelings are not subdued.  Even the greatest must not hide their excitement, their wonderful state of mind.  They should rejoice aloud as if they were children.” 

Rabbi Forhman continues “One way to go through the stages of life is to experience them in succession, to live each stage for what it is, and then to leave it behind and experience the next one.  That’s the ordinary way to go through life. But, there’s another way to go through life, an extraordinary way.  It’s the way Sarah did it, you don’t just passively travel through life’s stages, discarding the past for the more pressing priorities of the present. No, you build as you go; you take each stage with you as you encounter the next one.” So, when you are twenty, you keep the innocence, exuberance and curiosity of age 7.  When you are an adult, you don’t leave the teenage passion for independence behind. “So  you’re an adult and you pay your bills on time...But you're able to pause sometimes , as you eat lunch outdoors, to examine a ladybug on a blade of grass and be overcome with childlike wonder. You put your kids to bed on time, yes. But occasionally, you get swept up in a wild pillow fight with your children, and to their delight (and yours), allow yourself to forget, if only for the moment, that it’s way past bedtime.”

The best way to live life is by bringing all your earlier selves with you. If only we could bring the wonderful qualities of our younger years with us throughout our lives.  Think about who you were as an adolescent.   If only you took some of who you were then with you to your life today.  

Now, who would want to bring the qualities of adolescence along as he/she goes through life? Isn’t adolescence a time of struggle?  I was then considering we spend much time as parents dreading the onset of adolescence.  We have heard so much about the rebelliousness, the risk taking, the desire to leave their parents for the company of friends etc. But how about all the wonderful quality traits of adolescence?  The passion, the independence, the idealism, the ability to defy society to do what you feel is right, the excitement?  

As someone who has spent the past 25 years as a professional working with and teaching adolescents, adolescents can be wonderful and are truly amazing!  It is incredible to watch their opinions evolve  as they develop the ability to truly think.  The discussions you have with your teen are like no other as they can finally truly discuss with you.  It is truly exhilarating to teach them in a classroom as they deeply consider what you are teaching and contemplate how they can apply it to their own lives. You can relate to them on a more adult level. Teens can share a laugh with you as they develop a sophisticated sense of humor. Teens are not yet jaded and believe all is possible.  They therefore are creative as they do not believe that any of their efforts are stoppable.   And, while risk-taking can have a negative connotation, they are also willing to take risks to try something new and go where no one has gone before.  Teenagers can be enthusiastic and more passionate than any of the adults around us. For those of us parenting teens, it is wonderful when your teenager becomes one of your friends.  And, there is nothing better when you can share clothes, or a movie or any interests! 

So, for those of us who are just encountering the teenage years and raising our first adolescents-  it can be wonderful!  While we do spend much time discussing the difficulties of going through adolescence and parenting adolescents, let us not scare ourselves out of truly enjoying them. 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade:  Students discussed how to manage their time despite distractions. 

Seventh Grade:  Students discussed some of the real economic demands of living in today’s Jewish community and how the community supports those in need. 

Eighth Grade: Students contemplated- why do good? (And, the answer is not “Just for our high school applications!”) 

Exercise Is Good For Your...Character!

 

As I completed my Dash for Dignity race, (okay..I admit it...I only walked and didn’t run!), I watched proudly as our Yavneh students came out to support Yad Leah.  The exercise is good for them...and I don’t just mean exercise of their physiological muscles. They were exercising their chesed and compassion muscles. As Dr. Ritchie Davidson, of University of Wisconsin stated when discussing acts of kindness,   “It’s kind of like weight training, we found that people can actually build up their compassion ‘muscle’ and respond to others’ suffering with care and a desire to help.”  

Where are these “compassion muscles”?  They are actually neural pathways in the brain. Neuroplasticity asserts that our brains are shaped and changed by our experiences.  Our behaviors can in essence rewire our brains and help form new neural connections based on what we do over and over- for good and bad. 

(Here is a selection from my column a few weeks ago demonstrating that the Jewish tradition already knew about this neuroplasticity: The importance of acting out scenarios and situations so that they are ingrained and part of our psyche is stated clearly in the Sefer HaChinuch Mitzvah 16.   “  כי אחרי הפעלות נמשכים הלבבות “ “A person is formed by his actions.”  Our external actions affect our inner feelings and reactions.  One might think that how you feel inside affects how you act.  The Sefer HaChinuh highlights an important psychological phenomenon- that it is the opposite-  the way we act often affects how we feel. As he explains, “You must know, that a man is acted upon according to his actions; and his heart and all his thoughts always follow after the actions that he does - whether good or bad... And from that which is not for its own sake comes that which is for its own sake [as opposed to being for personal gain]; for the hearts are drawn after the actions.”  

We know that one needs to practice, practice, practice as noted in the Rambam Hilchot Deot, 1:7. The Rambam asks how can we ensure that positive character traits become part of who we are- even ones that we do not naturally have and need to work on?  “How can one train himself to follow these temperaments to the extent that they become a permanent fixture of his [personality]? He should perform - repeat - and perform a third time - the acts which conform to the standards of the middle road temperaments. He should do this constantly, until these acts are easy for him and do not present any difficulty. Then, these temperaments will become a fixed part of his personality.”  We need to stress to our children that every skill is at first difficult, but becomes easier with practice. )

Teenagers need to exercise this compassion muscle more than others as they are neurologically more  “me- first” than adults. As Jeanna Bryner says in her article “Brain Scans Show How Teens Are More ‘Me-First’ Than Adults,”

 “A study involving a trust game revealed that 12- to 14-year-olds use a part of their brain linked to self-oriented thought and what's-in-it-for-me thinking when they make decisions about whether to share with others.”

  Even when sharing with others, the young adolescents in the study were “engaged in self-referential thoughts.”

“ In addition, activity in the brain's temporo-parietal junction (TPJ) increased with age. This area, where the temporal lobe (just above your ear) and parietal lobe (toward the back of your head) meet, is thought to be important for shifting attention between one's own and other perspectives and for inferring the intentions of others, the researchers wrote.” 

 As they grow older their brains develop allowing them to think of others as well.  

We need not wait for that neurological development, but can work on helping our children think beyond themselves. As Ema Alva writes in “Five Ways to Help Teens Think Beyond Themselves,”  the ability to think beyond themselves is linked to finding a sense of purpose.  “‘Purpose is a part of one’s personal search for meaning, but it also has an external component, the desire to make a difference in the world, to contribute to matters larger than the self,’ write psychologists William Damon, Jenni Menon, and Kendall Bronk. Some researchers call this external component the beyond-the-self dimension of purpose: Why am I here? What role can I play in the lives of those around me?”

Involving our children in chesed and volunteerism is one way to help them see beyond themselves. In fact, in our 7th grade Advisory we start the year with the story of pre-teen Austin Gutwein who raised millions of dollars for orphans in Africa through creating his program Hoops of Hope.  His book is called: Take Your Best Shot: Do Something Bigger Than Yourself.  

What are the best ways to help your teen find something beyond themselves? One way is to identify his/her passions and then encourage him/her to volunteer in that arena. Does she love basketball? Have her volunteer to be a big sister to a younger girl and teach her basketball skills.  Three other simple and seemingly obvious ideas were noted by Nathan French in his article “5 Ways to Live Less Selfishly.”  We should remind our children to  a. Listen better. b.  Serve yourself last. c. Consciously give compliments to others. Compliments force you to focus on others.  

Another way we as parents can encourage selflessness is by praising our children for being selfless.   I cannot say it better as Dr. Michelle Borba said it in her book Unselfie, when she speaks about the Family Reunion test that she routinely asks parents. 

 .“...we must get kids to switch their focus from ‘I, Me, Mine’ to ‘We, Us, Our, Ours.’...Pretend it’s twenty- five years from now and you’re at a family reunion eavesdropping on your now-grown kids discussing their childhoods. How are they describing your typical behavior? And what do they remember as the ‘most important messages’ you told them as kids? 

She notes that upon thinking about the “Reunion” parents worry that they have focused too much on achievement and too little on kindness and empathy. At the end of the day, instead of asking (or only asking), “What grade did you get? What did you learn today?”  We should be asking, “ What nice thing did you do for someone today?” Not only do we need to  model kindness, but we need to  reflect on kindness and praise kindness in conversations with our children. 

No wonder the Yavneh Chesed team is essential! And, what a perfect week to launch the 2020-21 Yavneh Academy Chesed Team!  This week’s parashat hashavua features Avraham Avinu- Ish Chesed- known for his chesed to all.  And, his welcoming the angels despite recovering from surgery showed how nothing could keep him away from exercising those chesed muscles. 

Rabbi  Shlomo Wolbe, in Alei Shor, page 91, discusses the connection between chesed and yirah- awe/fear of G-d as noted in  the Gemara in Sukkah 49b.  They do not seem to connect at all!   Rabbi Wolbe says they both challenge a person to realize the he/she is not the only one in this world 

There is one root in the soul to both of these attributes.  There are those who see beyond themselves, and there are others who do not see anything beyond themselves.  The one who sees only himself is only able to feel that which he is lacking, and therefore he lives only for his own benefit.  One who doesn’t notice others is incapable of seeing a person in need, nor will he take note of his Creator.

 

Someone who is selfish and egocentric cannot see others nor can he “see” G-d.  Both yirah and chesed can only be achieved if a person can see beyond himself.  

 

As we sadly heard of the passing of Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks, zt’l, just this past Shabbat, it is fitting to end with his words about achieving true joy.  In his article “The Pursuit of Joy”  he asserts that unlike Aristotle, who stated that happiness is the ultimate goal to which humans aspire, Judaism does not think it so.  Simcha- joy is a central value of Judaism, which is not happiness. Rabbi Sacks continues to point out that happiness is the state of an individual.  Simcha- joy “is never about individuals...  It is always something we share...It has to do with a sense of connection to other people and or to God.  It comes from a different realm than happiness… It is the exhilaration we feel when we merge with others...The pursuit of happiness can lead, ultimately, to self-regard and indifference to the suffering of others...Not so, joy.  Joy connects us to others and to God.”  The only way to lead our children from the path of selfishness and self-regard to the path of joy is by exercising those chesed muscles! 

 

When we started the Chesed team three years ago I maintained that it was similar to other teams- the students got t-shirts, had chesed meets and here I add they also get much needed exercise... of their chesed muscles!  

 

Advisory Update:

 

Sixth Grade:  Students began learning how to schedule their evenings and prioritize.

 

Seventh Grade:  Students began implementing the skills of empathy by delving more into the plight of the homeless as individuals. 

 

Eighth Grade:  Students had a “How Are You Doing” lesson with a  chance to discuss how 8th grade was going for them. 

Agreeing to Disagree

         With the election upon us our Social Studies teachers have been working hard to ensure that our children are educated and up to date on the issues.  Those of you who already know me know that I am always on the lookout for “teachable moments.”  Teachable moments can appear anywhere- from a TV show, a book, a life situation, or even current events.   This upcoming election is full of teachable moments. One such moment is a discussion about how to agree to disagree. Elections do bring up true disagreement, which can often be disrespectful and caustic. 

What a “teachable moment” to talk about the art of disagreeing with grace!  We do want our children to assert themselves and not give in if they disagree.   But, we do want them to disagree respectfully.  Adolescence is a time that we want them to assert themselves and present their views in a calm and reasonable manner.   

1. The first rule of disagreement is that we never engage in a disagreement when either party  is upset.  Set a time for discussion once everyone has cooled down. 

2. Face to face- no social media or texting.  Short messages can be easily misconstrued.  The agitation and upset can often escalate as one person waits for the other to respond, in the meanwhile imagining all the horrific things that may be happening.  And, one way we often deal with an argument is by ignoring the text from the other who is upset. That just escalates the situation.  People often text or post when they are multitasking and when they are not truly focused and may write something they don’t mean.  Face to face disagreements are essential as people often use social media or texting to avoid facing the real issue.  We also know the importance of empathy and understanding the other's position. A face to face conversation is the only way to truly get a sense of what the other is feeling.   

3. Face to face means looking at the person.  This is not always comfortable, but a skill that can be practiced. 

4. Watch tone of voice and body language. Often we think our words are non-confrontational, but our tone or body language are. 

5. LISTEN!  Do not interrupt when others are speaking.   Often we think we know what the person is going to say before he/she says it and we interrupt.  We can practice active listening with our children. 

In our 7th Grade Advisory program we teach them the steps of Active Listening: 

1. Look at the other person.

2. Focus all your attention towards what the person is saying.  

3.  Indicate you are listening  by saying things like “uh huh,” “really?” or “yes” in the right places.

4. Don't interrupt, correct mistakes, give advice or tell your own story.

5.   Give the person time to speak. When there's silence for a moment, don't immediately fill the space.

6. Repeat/ restate what you have heard ex. “So, your problem is that I never clean my room?”

7. Validate what they said- letting them know you get what they are saying. ex. “That must have been really awful.”

6.  Do make it clear that you understand what the other person is feeling and maybe even point out aspects of their argument with which you agree.  Avoid saying he/she is wrong, but instead say that you agree to disagree. 

7. Know when to end the conversation. 

The key to all these skills is to practice them, when not in the state of disagreement, so that they are more natural when needed. And, of course, as I always note, to model them ourselves. 

Danielle Greenbaum Davis, in her article “What The Talmud Can Teach Us About How To Argue With Each Other”  that the Jewish people have a manual for how to “rationally, practically and productively disagree with one another...It’s called the Talmud...Each page has one thing in common:All feature polite, meticulous and creative styles of argument...The Talmud is filled with interlocutors who find themselves on opposing sides of a debate. Yet these opponents don’t work as enemies or make ad hominem attacks; they come off as collegial sparring partners, testing ideas for weaknesses and inconsistencies, aiming not to win but to find truth.”

Greenbaum continues that in today’s society when someone says or tweets something that to others does not make sense, the others pounce on it, condemn it and immediately dismiss it.  In the Talmud, no matter how farfetched the idea, the “arguers of the Talmud look inward, wondering whether they might be missing something.” 

The prime example of a disagreement in the Talmud is that of Hillel and Shammai.  The Mishna in Avot 5:17 states: 

כָּל מַחֲלֹקֶת שֶׁהִיא לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם, סוֹפָהּ לְהִתְקַיֵּם. וְשֶׁאֵינָהּ לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם, אֵין סוֹפָהּ לְהִתְקַיֵּם. אֵיזוֹ הִיא מַחֲלֹקֶת שֶׁהִיא לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם, זוֹ מַחֲלֹקֶת הִלֵּל וְשַׁמַּאי. וְשֶׁאֵינָהּ לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם, זוֹ מַחֲלֹקֶת קֹרַח וְכָל עֲדָתוֹ

Every dispute that is for the sake of Heaven, will in the end endure; But one that is not for the sake of Heaven, will not endure. Which is the controversy that is for the sake of Heaven? Such was the controversy of Hillel and Shammai. And which is the controversy that is not for the sake of Heaven? Such was the controversy of Korah and all his congregation.

The machloket of Hillel and Shammai was a model for us all. It was truly for “Heaven’s sake”- nothing to do with ego or personal self-interest, as Korach’s did.  If we are truly able to hear the other side and listen, then that may indicate that our disagreement is “for the sake of Heaven.”  In fact, while there was machlokot between them the Gemara in Yevamot 14b stresses that they got along well and they married into one another’s family-

לא נמנעו ב"ש מלישא נשים מבית הלל ולא ב"ה מבית שמאי ללמדך

 שחיבה וריעות נוהגים זה בזה לקיים מה שנאמר (זכריה ח, יט) האמת והשלום אהבו 

Despite the fact that these halakhot entail important ramifications depending on whether or not these women were married or fit for marriage, or whether their offspring are fit for marriage, Beit Shammai did not refrain from marrying women from Beit Hillel, nor did Beit Hillel refrain from marrying women from Beit Shammai. This serves to teach you that they practiced affection and camaraderie between them, to fulfill that which is stated: “Love truth and peace” (Zechariah 8:19)

This indicated that they each had nothing against the other and they respected each other. 

The Gemara Eurvin 13b speaks again about another disagreement between Beit Hillel and Beit Shammai, 

אָמַר רַבִּי אַבָּא אָמַר שְׁמוּאֵל: שָׁלֹשׁ שָׁנִים נֶחְלְקוּ בֵּית שַׁמַּאי וּבֵית הִלֵּל, הַלָּלוּ אוֹמְרִים: הֲלָכָה כְּמוֹתֵנוּ, וְהַלָּלוּ אוֹמְרִים: הֲלָכָה כְּמוֹתֵנוּ. יָצְאָה בַּת קוֹל וְאָמְרָה: אֵלּוּ וָאֵלּוּ דִּבְרֵי אֱלֹהִים חַיִּים הֵן, וַהֲלָכָה כְּבֵית הִלֵּל.

Rabbi Abba said that Shmuel said: For three years Beit Shammai and Beit Hillel disagreed. These said: The halakha is in accordance with our opinion, and these said: The halakha is in accordance with our opinion. Ultimately, a Divine Voice emerged and proclaimed: Both these and those are the words of the living God. However, the halakha is in accordance with the opinion of Beit Hillel.

The Gemara then continues to ask: 

The Gemara asks: Since both these and those are the words of the living God, why were Beit Hillel privileged to have the halakha established in accordance with their opinion? The reason is that they were agreeable and forbearing, showing restraint when affronted, and when they taught the halakha they would teach both their own statements and the statements of Beit Shammai. Moreover, when they formulated their teachings and cited a dispute, they prioritized the statements of Beit Shammai to their own statements, in deference to Beit Shammai.

Beit Hillel’s opinions were chosen as they showed even more respect towards the one with whom they disagreed. Even when they were challenged by Beit Shammai they maintained that respect,  and even taught their own students Beit Shammai’s opinions first! 

We too need to raise our children that there is “divine” in all opinions, and respect all opponents.  We can and should disagree, but it should never get to the point where we belittle the other.   And, when our children study Talmud-  therein lies another teachable moment- to discuss with them the nature of respectful and “divine” disagreement which can apply to all arenas of their lives. 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Students highlighted “time monsters” in their lives and things that distract from managing their time.

Seventh Grade:  Students discussed how we often “judge a book by its cover” and judge others. 

Eighth Grade: Students wrapped up their lesson on interviewing skills.