As the pandemic reached its heights over the past year, and still continues, some have been suffering from what they call “compassion fatigue.” When covid was causing stress and unhappiness in our communities, shul families, relatives and in our own homes, many of us dug deep within ourselves to find more empathy and compassion.
As Simone M. Scully writes, much of that compassion has worn off. It is as if as the pandemic continues on we feel that all our compassion energy has been sapped, and people may even feel “dread” at having to care for another. This compassion fatigue is not unusual after a pandemic hits. In her article she quotes from a book written after an epidemic in London in 1665. “This was a time when everyone’s private safety lay so near them they had no room to pity the distress of others,” Defoe wrote. “The danger of immediate death to ourselves took away all bonds of love, all concern for one another.”
There is a danger that this “compassion fatigue” is contagious and our children will catch it as well. What is the cure to this fatigue? Joining the Chesed Team, of course! While that response might have been tongue in cheek- as this was the week we launched registration for the team- I really do mean it! The best way to combat the compassion fatigue is to show our children that chesed can be fun! Yes, we still need to engage in chesed when it is not fun. We do want to relay the message that it is easy to do chesed when life is easy. Doing chesed when times are hard might be more difficult, but also important, but to combat this fatigue we need to bring the chesed alive. And, as Rabbi Tarfon said in Pirkei Avot 2:16:הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, לֹא עָלֶיךָ הַמְּלָאכָה לִגְמֹר, וְלֹא אַתָּה בֶן חוֹרִין לִבָּטֵל מִמֶּנָּה. He [Rabbi Tarfon] used to say: It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you at liberty to neglect it; Even if it is hard to do chesed, we still need to try. But, keeping in mind this fatigue, one way to get them to engage in chesed despite those negative feelings is to create chesed opportunities for them in an engaging way!
And, of course, I have discussed other times in this column that chesed is not only good for the receiver, but also good for the giver, as research testifies. It increases self-esteem, improves mood, decreases blood pressure and stress hormones and people who engage in kind acts are healthier and live longer. In essence, engaging in more compassion through chesed will lead to less compassion fatigue!
What better week than this week to stress this message and to launch our Chesed Team, as the first acts of chesed in the world happened in this week’s parasha. And, not only did the Torah begin with chesed, but we just ended the Torah which also ended with an act of chesed, as it says in Sotah 14a:
דרש ר' שמלאי תורה תחלתה גמילות חסדים וסופה גמילות חסדים תחילתה גמילות חסדים דכתיב ויעש ה' אלהים לאדם ולאשתו כתנות עור וילבישם וסופה גמילות חסדים דכתיב ויקבר אותו בגיא
Rabbi Samlai taught: With regard to the Torah, its beginning is an act of kindness and its end is an act of kindness. Its beginning is an act of kindness, as it is written: “And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skin, and clothed them” (Genesis 3:21). And its end is an act of kindness, as it is written: “And he was buried in the valley in the land of Moab” (Deuteronomy 34:6
First, even before the act of chesed that the Gemara in Sotah specifices from Bereishit, Hashem created the world, as we in Yavneh love to quote the pasuk in Tehillim 89:3- כִּֽי־אָמַ֗רְתִּי ע֭וֹלָם חֶ֣סֶד יִבָּנֶ֑ה, For I said, "Forever will it be built with kindness Rabbi Shimon Lieberman, in his article “The World Is Built On Kindness” stresses “The ultimate act of chesed is creation, an act that has no previous cause. It is without cause and unconditional. The Psalms make this clear: ‘The world is built with chesed.’ (Psalms 89:3) that the ultimate act of Chesed was when Hashem created the world. He got nothing back in return. Our daily relationship with Hashem is based on a foundation of chesed.” And, likewise, the chesed we do each day should have no benefit for ourselves. And, we know as the parasha continues, Hashem dresses Adam and Chava- another act of chesed. (The first Yad Leah clothing drive!)
And, in Bereshit 1:27 we see :
(כז) וַיִּבְרָ֨א אֱלֹקים ׀ אֶת־הָֽאָדָם֙ בְּצַלְמ֔וֹ בְּצֶ֥לֶם אֱלֹקים בָּרָ֣א אֹת֑וֹ
And God created man in His image, in the image of God He created him
What does it mean to be created in the image of G-d? To be like Him. How? By doing chesed, of course! We get more details on this imitatio dei in Sotah 14a as it describes how to walk after G-d (and refers to the act of chesed mentioned above):
ואמר רבי חמא ברבי חנינא מאי דכתיב (דברים יג, ה) אחרי ה' אלהיכם תלכו וכי אפשר לו לאדם להלך אחר שכינה והלא כבר נאמר (דברים ד, כד) כי ה' אלהיך אש אוכלה הוא אלא להלך אחר מדותיו של הקב"ה מה הוא מלביש ערומים דכתיב (בראשית ג, כא) ויעש ה' אלהים לאדם ולאשתו כתנות עור וילבישם אף אתה הלבש ערומים הקב"ה ביקר חולים דכתיב (בראשית יח, א) וירא אליו ה' באלוני ממרא אף אתה בקר חולים הקב"ה ניחם אבלים דכתיב (בראשית כה, יא) ויהי אחרי מות אברהם ויברך אלהים את יצחק בנו אף אתה נחם אבלים הקב"ה קבר מתים דכתיב (דברים לד, ו) ויקבר אותו בגיא אף אתה קבור מתים
And Rabbi Chama the son of Rabbi Chanina said, "What is the meaning of the verse, 'After Hashem, your G-d, shall you walk (Deuteronomy 13:5)'? Is it possible for a man to walk after the divine presence? And isn't it already stated, 'For Hashem your G-d is a consuming fire (Deuteronomy 4:24)'? Rather, To follow the character traits of G-d. "Just as he clothes the naked, as it is written, 'And the Lord G-d made for Adam and his wife cloaks of leather, and he clothed them (Genesis 3:21);' so too you shall clothe the naked. The Holy One, Blessed be He, visited the sick, as it is written, 'And he appeared in Ailonei Mamrei [while Abraam was in pain] (Genesis 18:1);' so too you shall visit the sick. The Holy One, Blessed be He, comforted mourners, as it is written, 'And it was, after the death of Abraham, and G-d blessed his son Isaac (Genesis 25:11);' so too you shall comfort mourners. The Holy One, Blessed be He, buried the dead, as it is written, 'And he buried him in the valley (Deuteronomy 34:6);' so too, you shall bury the dead."
Because we are created in the image of G-d we need to do chesed as He did. And, it is precisely because we are all created in the image of G-d, all deserve chesed and help when they need.
A few weeks ago, as you recall, I mentioned Dr. Adam Grant and his book Think Again. In a previous book, (which I have not yet read- I simply read an article of his where he discusses the theory) called Give and Take he says that we all in our daily lives and professions make decisions to be either givers or takers. Givers give and contribute without expecting anything in return. Takers are constantly looking over their shoulders to make sure that they are guarding when they own and expecting others to serve them. Grant, an industrial psychologist, focuses on the fact that businesses and organizations want to foster givers- as they lead to collaboration, innovation, improved quality, service excellence, lower costs, lower turnover rates, problem solving, customer satisfaction and even high rates of profit. (There are cases where being a giver does not lead to these benefits and Grant says when there are three other interfering factors he identifies). To succeed at work one should give more than one takes.
So, to take Grant’s message to our homes- we too want to foster givers in our homes and schools. To succeed in our family lives we need to raise children who give more than they take. And, of course, by constantly modeling and discussing the importance of giving, our children learn from us to be givers.
And, one other way they learn to be givers...as probably predicted I was going to say, is by joining the chesed team! (I am biased!)
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