Some years ago I came across a book of poetry written by Robert Ricken called The Middle School years- Love Me When I’m Most Unlovable. I highly recommend the book even though I disagree with his title After working in a high school for 10 years, I do find middle schoolers quite “lovable.” It is quite rewarding to work with middle schoolers as they enter adolescence and as we watch them become “people” with beliefs, talents and hearts that still allow adults to enter. As I often say at the fifth grade orientation, middle schoolers are “tweens”- not quite children anymore but not yet true adolescents.
Ricken writes in the first poem, written in the voice of the middle schooler:
“I’m looking forward to middle school. I'm excited and a little nervous. Somehow all the kids seem to like it, but they love telling horror stories about what goes on there.. .My parents are the ones who are really nervous. If they ask me once more if I”m scared, I think they’ll convince me that I am!” And, that is the truth! We, as parents, are often as or even more worried than they are!
But, we do know that middle school is quite a transition. In the most recent sessions of Advisory we focused on real- life challenges faced by middle school students acted out by our teachers. Issues like, getting to class on time, missing homework, the demands of notetaking, getting a poor grade, and friendship issues were all discussed. Tonight, a survey went out to the sixth graders asking them for more questions they have about middle school and any worries they might have. An upcoming Advisory session with 7th grade mentors will be built based on issues they want to target.
As you know, we also have begun our Organization Skills Training program in homeroom which will help them gain the key skills needed to succeed in middle school and stay relaxed!
I also do want to reassure you that while many middle schoolers do find the transition difficult, not all do.. And, not all students entering adolescence find it stressful. But, we believe in proactive training and support, and not waiting for that stress to happen.
But, most importantly, as we stressed at the orientation evening- MIDDLE SCHOOLERS STILL NEED THEIR PARENTS!! What can we do as parents to support them during this transition? They yearn for independence, but they still need some oversight. They want to be with their friends, but they still like hanging out with us. We need to balance letting go with holding some control. It is similar to teaching your child to swim. At first you hold on tightly (beginning of middle school). Then, when you see they can float you let go a bit. And, eventually, they can swim in the deep end. But, you would never just throw them into the deep end on the first day!
So, we ask that sixth grade parents:
Still manage homework time at the beginning of the year. This involves checking his planner, google classroom, parent locker and helping him set a schedule.
Help her create an at-home homework space- quiet, free from distractions, organized etc.
Talk to them about their schoolwork- what is the Social Studie project about? How do you plan to start? What do you need?
As we begin the first tests- make sure she knows how to study. What do you need to do for the test? Is there a review sheet? Do you have a vocabulary list? And, if she is unsure, definitely reach out to the teacher. If she is comfortable doing that herself- great. She might need your help drafting an e-mail. But, it is not unusual for a middle schooler to be hesitant to reach out to a teacher. There is no shame in your stepping in. Or if you do want your child to self- advocate in person, you can casually follow up with an e-mail to ensure she did speak to the teacher :)!
Acknowledge how much effort he is putting in. Recognize how hard he is working!! A piece of that is keeping updated on his grades.
Focus on growth and not only grades! Tell her how proud you are of how at the beginning of the year she needed you to test her on vocabulary. Now she tests herself. Or, focus on what she is learning and how much she knows instead of the scores she has earned.
Don’t let your bedtime routines disappear. Those moments in their room are perfect times to discuss how their day was, and non-academic issues they are facing. (A few years ago I wrote a column about reading aloud to our children- even through middle school years! Sounds funny but so powerful)
Spend time together. The middle school years are full of bar/bat mitzvahs, studying, extracurriculars...Make time to just be together.
Monitor and limit technology use. No need to go into more details, but by enlarge, my experience has been that most middle schoolers who are doing very poorly in school are distracted by their technology during homework time!
Help your child get enough sleep. Refer back to the item above this one. Technology limits!!
Don’t hesitate to reach out to teachers. I know going from two teachers to 9 can be quite overwhelming for parents. But, the relationship with teachers even in middle school is so helpful. Parents and teachers are a team.
Adam was the first “child” in the world and his Father was Hashem. Hashem was the first parent and a model for us. On one hand, Hashem gave him rules :
בראשית ב׳:ט״ו-י״ז
(טו) וַיִּקַּ֛ח ה אֱלֹקים אֶת־הָֽאָדָ֑ם וַיַּנִּחֵ֣הוּ בְגַן־עֵ֔דֶן לְעָבְדָ֖הּ וּלְשָׁמְרָֽהּ׃ (טז) וַיְצַו֙ ה אֱלֹקים עַל־הָֽאָדָ֖ם לֵאמֹ֑ר מִכֹּ֥ל עֵֽץ־הַגָּ֖ן אָכֹ֥ל תֹּאכֵֽל׃ (יז) וּמֵעֵ֗ץ הַדַּ֙עַת֙ ט֣וֹב וָרָ֔ע לֹ֥א תֹאכַ֖ל מִמֶּ֑נּוּ כִּ֗י בְּי֛וֹם אֲכָלְךָ֥ מִמֶּ֖נּוּ מ֥וֹת תָּמֽוּת׃
15) The LORD God took the man and placed him in the garden of Eden, to till it and tend it. (16) And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, “Of every tree of the garden you are free to eat; (17) but as for the tree of knowledge of good and bad, you must not eat of it; for as soon as you eat of it, you shall die.”
Hashem gave Adam work and structure-לְעָבְדָ֖הּ וּלְשָׁמְרָֽהּ just as we do with our middle schoolers. Then Hashem gave him rules and laws, as any good parent would do- homework time, technology limits, having them study with us...
But, on the other hand, as noted in Bereishit 2:24, Hashem created the world so that:
עַל־כֵּן֙ יַֽעֲזׇב־אִ֔ישׁ אֶת־אָבִ֖יו וְאֶת־אִמּ֑וֹ וְדָבַ֣ק בְּאִשְׁתּ֔וֹ וְהָי֖וּ לְבָשָׂ֥ר אֶחָֽד׃
Hence a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, so that they become one flesh.
The purpose of the structure set up by Hashem is that one day man will leave his mother and father and be independent. That is the primary goal for all the structure and oversight we put into effect in middle school- so that one day they can be independent and implement all those skills even when they leave us and we are not with them.
For those of you who are first time middle school parents, those of us who have done this before can reassure you that you will be absolutely proud of the independent 8th graders your children will become. But, don’t worry... they will always need you!
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Students finished up brainstorming practical solutions for everyday middle school challenges.
Seventh Grade: Students focused on Active Listening.
Eighth Graders; Students learning the important life skill of interviewing.
No comments:
Post a Comment