All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Middle School

  As you all recall, last week I asserted how rewarding I find working with middle schoolers and adolescents can be.  I was thinking about why this was as I read about the death of Sarah in this week’s parasha. The first pasuk states that Sarah died and in Bereishit 23:1 says,

אוַיִּֽהְיוּ֙ חַיֵּ֣י שָׂרָ֔ה מֵאָ֥ה שָׁנָ֛ה וְעֶשְׂרִ֥ים שָׁנָ֖ה וְשֶׁ֣בַע שָׁנִ֑ים שְׁנֵ֖י חַיֵּ֥י שָׂרָֽה:

And the life of Sarah was one hundred years and twenty years and seven years; [these were] the years of the life of Sarah.

The famous Rashi on the pasuk asks why there is a need for those extra “years”? Why does the pasuk break up the years into 100 years, 20 years and 7 years and not just say 127 years?  He answers, 

בת מאה כבת עשרים לחטא, מה בת עשרים לא חטאה, שהרי אינה בת עונשין, אף בת מאה בלא חטא, ובת עשרים כבת שבע ליופי

 when she was one hundred years old, she was like a twenty-year-old regarding sin. Just as a twenty-year-old has not sinned, because she is not liable to punishment, so too when she was one hundred years old, she was without sin. And when she was twenty, she was like a seven-year-old as regards to beauty. 

When she was 100 she was as free from sin as she was when she was 20  and when she was 20 she was as beautiful as she was when she was 7, (as if she had not aged).  

Rav Soloveitchik in his book Abraham's Journey- Reflections On The Life Of The Founding Patriarch  explains the deeper meaning of this Rashi, as  Rabbi David Forhman points out. “Most people live each stage in life in succession, to live each stage for what it is, and then to leave it behind and experience the next one...The way Sarah did it, you don’t just passively travel through life’s stages, discarding the past for the more pressing priorities of the present.  No, you build as you go; you take each stage with you as you encounter the next one. ” 

A  7 year old is wide-eyed and innocent.  But, if you are like Sarah, when you become 20 (still adolescence) you do not leave that innocence and curiosity behind, but merge it somehow with your new 20 year old  mature and passionate self.  And, as you reach adulthood you don’t leave your teenage passion nor your 7 year old innocence behind.  You merge them with your adult self.  Even though you are an adult, “You are able to pause sometimes, as you eat lunch outdoors, to examine a ladybug perched on a blade of grass and be overcome with childlike wonder.  You put your kids to bed on time, yes. But occasionally, you get swept up in a wild pillow fight with your children, and to their delight (and yours), allow yourself to forget , if only for a moment, that it's way past bedtime...As you make your way to each stage of life you bring all your earlier selves with you as you confront the new challenges of your stage.” 

Sarah Imeinu was able to see and live all the stages of her life simultaneously, thereby bringing the important lessons from each stage into the next one. I strive to do the same, but it is not easy.  But, working with teenagers enables me to relive those teenage years through them and apply them to my daily life.  I learn much from my students.    

We are all familiar with the famous essay “All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten” by Robert Fulghum.  I would like to modify that a bit and say, “All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Middle School.” 

Look to see if anyone seems left out and invite him to sit with you at lunch.

When someone is speaking, don’t talk.

If your parents ask if you did your homework, tell the truth. 

Don’t leave things until the last minute. 

Don’t hog the ball.

Never call someone names- even if it is during a game on the ballfield. 

Pray for snow days!

If you are not sure what page we are up to during davening, look over your friend’s shoulder.

During an oneg sing loudly and put your arms around your neighbor’s shoulder.

Let others make copies of your notes.  

Make yourself a schedule every week. 

If you are upset, put down the phone. Don’t post something you might regret. 

Appreciate your parents and siblings. 

Say thank you to your teachers. 

Be an individual- don’t be afraid to wear something no one else will. 

Take things to heart. 

Ask questions.  (But raise your hand). 

Search the web to find answers, but be aware that not everything you read is true. 

Don’t rely on parent locker. Write down your homework. 

You still need your parents, but you can also be independent.

Remember you can accomplish anything! Nothing is impossible. 

Be curious, inquisitive, and dream big!  

These are all lessons I learn in middle school each day. As I enter my “middle age” I look at my middle school friends and they remind me to schedule my week, ask lots of questions, take care of my friends, enjoy life a bit more, and dream big as I still have much to accomplish.  I can take what I learn from their stage of life and carry it with me into my next stage. I think we can all learn many lessons from our teens that we can take with us until the age of 127.  

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Students focused on behaviors that are considered “well-mannered”

Seventh Grade: Students focused on assertive communication.

Eighth Grade:  Students finished up their interview lessons and had a chance to discuss how they are managing school, open houses and interviews thus far.