Like most things in life, I learn about what’s “in” from my students. (Full disclaimer: I am totally not “with it.”) One area I learn about from my students is the area of technology. I try to keep up, but alas, I have a technology phobia. Often students share with me positive areas of technology that I can implement to create a cool lesson in Advisory, enhance my Navi class or even make a video for my son’s birthday. Unfortunately, sometimes I get my information after a crying child comes to me with an upsetting post.
Last week, a number of children came forward upset about some posts on the app Sendit. As per Common Sense Media “Parents need to know that Sendit - get it now is a social networking app that works exclusively with Snapchat. It features a number of augmented reality games that encourage users to ask and answer personal questions. It's also an anonymous feedback app, meaning participants can respond to questions and play games without revealing their identity. Anonymous apps, while popular with teens, are frequently problematic, as they can be a hotbed for bullying and other hurtful behaviors. The app can only be used with friends chosen by the user, but, of course, social media "friends" are often just a massive pool of online acquaintances. If used among a close-knit social group, sendit is generally appropriate for the 17 and over crowd. Parents or guardians of less mature users, however, should be aware of the potential dangers that can arise when bullies are able to hide behind smartphone screens.”
These students showed screenshots about questions that were asked about other children in the grade that were insulting and degrading. Students were asked to “rate” other children in the grade. Two groups of children in the grade were called an insulting name by others. These screenshots, which I saw myself, were quite distressing. But, unfortunately, they were anonymous, as the app was designed to be. You will soon receive a letter from the middle school team about this app. As I noted in the letter: We have stressed over and over the dangers of communicating with someone you do not know, but since the children feel that the people in Sendit are their “friends” from Snapchat they feel it is safe. Please communicate with your children that it is NEVER safe to communicate online when the identity of the sender is anonymous.
The children who came forward showed us how it started innocently. Someone would post an anonymous question- “What is your favorite donut flavor?” And, before you know it, the questions turned into things like (not an actual question, but an example) “Do you think that Carla is pretty?”- for anyone who is on this Snapchat group to see!!! Students even described to us that they regretted that they stupidly answered questions like that at first. And, often the ones who are doing the posting don’t mean to be malicious, but just aren’t thinking. Whenever there is no accountability for what you post due to anonymity it is not a good place for teens to be. And, we have often discussed how the frontal lobe area of the brain which is needed for responsible decision making is not yet fully developed in middle schoolers. Why would we allow them to use an app where they can post anything on their minds anonymously?
As parents we need to discuss with our children what are the risks of communicating anonymously? Can you trust everyone who is in your “group”? How should you react when someone posts something about you or a friend? To whom should you go?
As discussed previously, we as parents should be installing monitoring programs for our children. There are also ways to limit which apps your children can load on their phone through setting up Family Sharing (iPhone) or Family Link (Android). And, to prevent access to app stores altogether one can turn off the App Store in Screen Time (iPhone) or use an App Lock (Android). As always, our technology department is available for support in these areas.
In last week’s The Week magazine an article “The Emotional Costs of Social Media” reiterated that which we already know. The article blames social media, especially for girls, for the “massive, sudden, multinational deterioration of teen mental health… When teens went from texting friends on flip phones in 2010 to posting carefully curated photos and awaiting comments and likes by 2014, the change rewired everyone’s social life.” I have written on this topic numerous times. But, everytime a crying child comes into my office, it truly hits home. No one wants his/her child to be that crying child.
While I have you, I wanted to mention another concerning media item that came my way. Some students were speaking to me about a game they played (similar to red light green light in the olden days) and they said it was “Just like the show Squid Game.” My radar went up and I began speaking to kids about it. Apparently, many children not only watched/ are watching the show Squid Game but binge watched it on Netflix. While it might be too late for some, I wanted to bring it to your attention. For those not familiar, Squid Game is an extremely violent South Korean TV show where their characters play “games” which lead to their deaths. Students find out about the show from their friends, TikTok, youtube…
Needless to say, the show is rated for above 16, and definitely, no middle schooler should be watching this graphic, violent show. As my go-to resource, Common Sense Media notes,
“Parents need to know that the level of violence is very intense in Squid Game. Characters are systematically tortured and killed for the sadistic pleasure of a game master. Adults have sex, and there are threats of sexual violence: Women are grabbed by the hair and beaten. Themes concerning the highs one gets from gambling, winning, or conning money are a main focus."
If your child has already watched this show, please do take the time to discuss with him/her how the show made him/her feel and your worries about the messages the show relays. And, please have a talk with your child about the Sendit app. Never underestimate the impact of these “talks.”
As a parent, I am sometimes worried about what my children are doing after I hand them that device that I know nothing about (especially me, with my technology phobia!) and all the dangers they are facing when I am not there to “watch” their technology use and peek over their shoulder. These past few parshiot we have been reading about Yoseph and his travails in Egypt. Yoseph was in a dangerous “spiritual” situation as well. What was he doing when his father was not with him?
For those who have been reading my column for some time, you will recognize that this is my opportunity to bring up my favorite Gemara regarding Yoseph, Yaakov, and parenting. When Yoseph was in the house of Potiphar, far from home and his family, he faced the difficult situation of the wife of Potiphar. The Gemara in Sotah 36b describes, “It was taught in the School of R. Ishmael: That day was their feast-day, and they had all gone to their idolatrous temple; but she had pretended to be ill because she thought, I shall not have an opportunity like today for Joseph to associate with me. And she caught him by his garment, saying etc. At that moment his father's image came and appeared to him through the window and said: 'Joseph, your brothers will have their names inscribed upon the stones of the ephod and yours amongst theirs; is it your wish to have your name expunged from amongst theirs and be called an associate of harlots?' Immediately his bow abode in strength.”
Clearly, Yoseph's father was far away in Canaan- how could he have seen the image of his father Yaakov in the window? That image of Yaakov that he saw was the voice in his head. Over and over he had heard his father say, “Good boys don't act that way. In our family, our values are...” And, of course, like any teenager, (Yoseph was just 17 when he went to Egypt), he said to his dad, “I know, I know- why do you keep on telling me the same thing?!” And, yet, Yaakov continued sending those messages. That is why, when faced with a challenge to his morality, he heard that voice in his head.
So, when we have our frequent “talks” with our children they say to us, “I know, I know- enough already!” And, yet when they are faced with challenges, and the impulse to post something inappropriate, hurtful, or watch a show we know is harmful to them, they will hear our voices in their head, and practically see our images before them reminding them of what they should do. While we can install apps to monitor our children’s device use, which is half the battle, we cannot always physically be with them. But, our values will always be with them.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Students first had a chance to debrief the fun and educational mock bar/bat mitzvah they had on Monday. They then began a piece on how to ascertain what appropriate behavior is in class.
Seventh Grade: Students learned the skills of empathy and how it is different from sympathy.
Eighth Grade: Students considered the impact of materialism on who were are and why goodness matters.
No comments:
Post a Comment