When I was ten years old my grandparents gave me a leather bound set of machzorim for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. To this day, I cherish those machzorim, inscribed by my grandmother, a”h, with her European script. Every year, I show the inscription to my girls as they sit next to me in shul. May the merit of my grandparents’ serve as a protection for myself and my family.
And, while I still use those machzorim every year, as I got older, I came to appreciate the importance of having some commentary (the ones I had were just in Hebrew), so I can better understand the Tefilla and have the correct kavanot (intentions) when davening. I became a big fan of the Metsudah siddur, which my other grandfather received from my father, a”h, and my parents bought me and I still use every Shabbos, and realized that I wish I had a Metsudah machzor as well. So, a few years ago I purchased Metsudah machzorim and I gingerly balance both my grandparents’ gift and the Metsudah one at the same time during davening.
This year, while during the chazan’s repetition of the Musaf of Rosh Hashana, I noticed in the Metsudah a commentary by the Chatam Sofer on the words זוכר יצוריו לחיים ברחמים- (G-d) who remembers His creatures for life in His mercy. The Chatam Sofer says these words do not mean that we ask Hashem to remember us for life in His mercy, but rather “that we ask that He grant us חיים של רחמים- a life of mercy, a life in which we will exemplify the quality and virtue of compassion.”
What does this have to do with our desire to be judged by G-d with compassion at this time of year?
This bring us to the Gemara in Shabbat 127b, which discusses that
בַּמִדָּה שֶׁאָדָם מוֹדֵד, בָּהּ מוֹדְדִין לוֹ
With the measure that a person measures, he is measured with it.
The way a person judges others, that is the way that others will judge him. Meaning, similar to what it says in Avot 1:6:
וֶהֱוֵי דָן אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם לְכַף זְכוּת:
Judge all men with the scale weighted in his favor. (giving them the benefit of the doubt).
And therefore, says the Gemara,
תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן: הַדָּן חֲבֵירוֹ לְכַף זְכוּת — דָּנִין אוֹתוֹ לִזְכוּת
The Sages taught in a baraita: One who judges another favorably is himself judged favorably.
If you judge all with the benefit of the doubt, others will judge you with the benefit of the doubt.
But, it doesn’t stop there. The Gemara continues.
כְּשֵׁם שֶׁדַּנְתַּנִי לִזְכוּת, הַמָּקוֹם יָדִין אוֹתְךָ לִזְכוּת.
And you, just as you judged favorably, so may God judge you favorably.
The way we treat others, is the way Hashem will treat us.
It is interesting to note that the literal translation of giving another the benefit of the doubt found in Avot 1:6 is "a scale weighed in his favor"- the imagery often used for our judgment of this time of year.
(Shout out to my Navi class where we discussed how Dovid HaMelech was cold at the end of his life, and this is an example of מדה כנגד מדה - he did not respect Shaul’s coat, so Hashem did not allow him to be warm).
So, if during this time of year, we want Hashem to be compassionate to us and judge us favorably with רחמים and the benefit of the doubt, we too need to be people of רחמים and give others the benefit of the doubt without jumping to conclusions and judging them.
Rabbi Dovid Rosenfeld wrote in an article on Avot 1:6:
The answer is that giving the benefit of the doubt is not only a matter of overlooking or interpreting details. It stems from an attitude. When we judge others, we are setting our own personal justice system. If I am constantly finding fault and criticizing others, I send a message to G-d. Shortcomings should be noticed and highlighted; there is no room for tolerance and understanding. And G-d allows us to fashion the very justice system with which He views us. If we see only the bad in others, we bring upon ourselves the very judgment which we, in our minds, visit upon others daily.
If, however, we view others favorably, we send an entirely different message to G-d. I know Joe is basically a good guy. He means well. Therefore, it is not likely to me that he actually did something wrong. And if he did, it is probably because he didn’t really know better or he finds such behavior more challenging than I. When we view others in such a manner, it sends a different message to G-d. I know Your creations are good human beings. They stumble and fall at times, but I have not lost faith in them as a result. They mean well, and I’m sure they’ll pick themselves up again and try harder. And this is the attitude we should only wish G-d would have towards us. He (more than anyone else in creation) knows that human beings are basically good creatures. We have good souls and active consciences. If we recognize the innate goodness in others, chances are we will see it in ourselves equally well. And G-d will as well judge us mercifully. He knows we are His faithful servants regardless of our many slips and falls. We’ll bounce back — G-d knows we can do it — and He knows as well that we can recognize this ourselves. And if He has that trust in us, we might just live up to His expectations.
This is a message which I have incorporated into our 7th Grade Advisory curriculum- , as I have noted before in this column. As I have said: Maybe he isn’t mean, maybe he is suffering. Maybe she isn’t disorganized, maybe she is overwhelmed by panic. Maybe he didn’t forget about practice, maybe he had something going on at home that was really too much for him to handle. (Last time, I mentioned a book a student recommended called The Other Side Of The Story by Yehudis Samet which focuses on this issue).
Over the years I have learned that everyone has a story you know nothing about. Everyone is struggling with something even if his/her life looks perfect. Rather than assuming that something he/she did that bothers you was malicious, perhaps consider maybe there is a story you know nothing about. The longer I am in this business, the more I realize that everyone has a “pekel” a “package” that is a burden he /she carries of which I am not aware. I often find that this piece of advice is critical when it comes to being understanding with people who have mental health struggles that we often know nothing about. Perhaps he/she is unable to control his/her behavior and needs my help. I stress this whenever I can with teachers and students.
I want to end with one more way we can earn the compassion of Hashem by being more compassionate towards others. I cannot say it better than the anonymous author who wrote in this week’s Jewish Link article “For Ourselves and Our Children, We Must Be Better (at Making Some Room).” (Please take the time to read this article!) The author writes about how we need to make more of an effort to notice when children or adults in our community are left out or not invited. “There should never be a child who sits alone in their room crying from loneliness, desperate for company. There should never be a child who feels unwanted, unappreciated or unwelcome..As we approach the New Year can we all make a pact? Can we all say we’ll do better?...It costs us nothing to remind our children to look for the child on the sidelines and include them. It raises us all up, in each other’s eyes and certainly in Hashem’s eyes, to make our communities better places, welcoming places.”
In this vein, this past Friday at the Middle School oneg we introduced a challenge to all of our students to be more inclusive , expressed in this poster which will be hanging in the lunchroom, near the gyms and near the outdoors:
Please do speak to your children about this campaign.
Similar to what we said above, if we make an effort to have compassion and welcome in others, Hashem will have more compassion on us. Let us make an effort in these Aseret Yimei Teshuva to stress to our children the midda of compassion for others… and may we merit to be showered upon by the compassion of the Almighty.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Students identified strategies for success in middle school that they want to implement based on tips from last year’s sixth graders.
Seventh Grade: Students had the opportunity to debrief and share how 7th grade is going for them so far in a “How Are We Doing” lesson.
Eighth Grade: Students set S.M.A.R.T. goals for the year and recorded them in an e-mail that will automatically come into their inbox when they graduate to see if they achieved their goals.
No comments:
Post a Comment